"What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise?" - This really spoke to me. We go through many trials - BIG ones and smalls ones. Can you see God's mercy in them? Was He protecting you from something way worse? Did He bring you comfort and peace despite the sacrifices you had to make? Was He able to reveal His undying love for you and/or others? Those are such great mercies that we don't always see in the moment of trial.
In the flood of the storm, we fight to hold our heads above the water when all we need to do is trust that God is going to pull us through. Shouldn't it be easier to just grab that rope and let Him pull us up out of the waters? Yet we hesitate. We want to be in control of our situations. We don't want to rely on others for help. It's only in the times where we feel broken and desperate that we truly cling to God.
When everything is comfortable and going smoothly, we sometimes forget how much we need Jesus. I'm so guilty of that. It's easier to tell everyone how to live their lives when I'm not even following what I know to be the answers. The darkness tries to take over. I stumble through the shadows again. Where am I going, Lord? Where do you want me? I'm so lost and I need you. Yet, I continue wanting to rely on my own abilities. I want to blame God and let him take responsibility for all the unknowns. I keep walking through the darkness until I'm at the point of brokenness. My anger seems to be more in control than I am. It's not fair for me to feel guilty all the time and it's definitely not fair to take everything out on my family. I'm not even sure what the source of my anger is, but I'm like a ticking time bomb ready to go off at any second. -- and the bomb goes off several times a day lately.
If you read this blog, please pray for me. I'm just struggling right now with not knowing where God wants me as a leader in the church (Sunday school or womens' ministries). I'm struggling with feeling frustrated and angry with anything that's been going "wrong" according to my perfectionist vision. I get upset with my husband and kids a lot lately. I've been feeling alone even when I'm not alone. I feel unloved even though my head knows that I'm loved by my family and many friends. God feels far away and my passion for Him seems forced instead of that strong desire that used to be there. I'm in a funk and need to find my way out again.
Writing seems to lift a lot of the heaviness off of my heart. But it's only a start.
Thanks for listening.
-M
Blessings by Laura Story
We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things
Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You're near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise
We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe
Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You're near
And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise
When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know the pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home
Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You're near
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise
