An Eventful Christmas Eve

Christmas Eve morning, I got up and went downstairs. Papa Nikolai was wrestling with Sonya and I thought it'd be fun too. I was pretending that she was tackling me. The first time was just fine. It was the second time I did it that was not so good. As my head went down to the ground, I heard a "crunch" kind of sound coming from my neck. I sat up slowly and for the most part felt alright. It was almost just like a stiff neck after sleeping funny during the night.

I went to eat breakfast and tried spooning my cereal into my mouth, but all of a sudden, my neck just hurt worst for some reason. I couldn't stay sitting. Standing seemed to feel the best. Then I tried to do ice, but I realized my neck wouldn't allow me to lie down. It hurt so bad. I got back up pretty quick and just started pacing around because it hurt to sit, but I felt like I needed to rest. Then I must've tried turning my head to the left again and that's when I felt pain like no other. I asked for Tim to come by me so I could quietly discuss my need to probably see a doctor. As he and Tim's dad looked up the nearest clinics and hospitals, the room started spinning and I was so nauseous. I thought I was going to pass out. So I quickly went to the bathroom to hang out for a few minutes until the nausea passed.

Then we were ready to head to the clinic. Tim's dad drove us since they had a van. It was much easier than trying to lower myself into our car. I was so thankful that he took the turns slowly so as not to make my pain any worse. We got there a little after 9am when the clinic opened. There were a few people ahead of us. Luckily, I was able to figure out a way to keep ice on my neck and sit in the chairs of the waiting room. I kept trying to joke around and not think about the pain. Luckily I had taken some motrin right before we left the house so that was slowly kicking in.

I was slightly concerned that I might've broken something in my neck, but then I was thinking I might be paralyzed or something weird. The pain was shooting down through my shoulder almost to my elbow and it kind of felt numb when it did that. At least it wasn't constant pain -- more of just a throb in the lower left hand part of my head into my neck. If I moved, then I couldn't think of anything else, it just hurt.

The doctor was really nice and sent me to get X-rays down the hall. Nothing was broken. Thank goodness! I just sprained my neck real good. So he gave me instructions on how to take care of myself with resting my neck and applying heat and cold packs. I also got a prescription for Vicodin. I wasn't sure if I'd use it or not since the pain wasn't so great at that point. But, once I was up and moving around, then it hurt like heck again.

We were back at the house by lunchtime. I spent most of the day on the couch and only ended up using 1/2 of a Vicodin to start off with. Later that night though, my neck started spasming again. It felt like there was a seizure in my neck and it freaked me out. I made Tim get me a full Vicodin at that point. Let's just say that everything was a little funnier than normal. haha... It made for an interesting night when we played The Game of Things.

Christmas Day was good. I think I only took 1 Vicodin after lunch and slept all afternoon.

The sheets that I got for normal recovery said that it sometimes takes 2-3 weeks for swelling to go down and 3-4 weeks for full recovery. It's been 6 days and I'm still a little sore. I could maybe drive today if I had to, but I still don't trust my reaction time because if I move my neck just right, it still hurts pretty good, but not enough for me to use any pain relievers. I still can't believe I got beat up by an almost 2 year old. haha... I just had to document this so I could tell Sonya when she's older. I think I better go rest again. My poor neck and shoulders are tensing up again because I haven't been babying myself at all today.

Hope your Christmases were less eventful than mine!

Getting back on the horse...

For a few days there, I somehow got pulled into the darkness. It was scary. I cried for no reason and didn't even want to go to a friends' house when normally I'd be so excited to go see her and her kids. The thought of the effort it would take to get over there just overwhelmed me. That and I felt like the few chores I had to get done around the house were going to take over my brain. So I stayed in my pajamas for most of the day and attempted to clean the bathrooms and work on Sunday School preparation.

I was a little scared that I'd be stuck in this pit again. My passion for God seemed so far away and even when I tutored last week Thursday, I really had to force myself to have fun with it. On Friday, the worst of those days, I finally decided it was time to memorize a whole Bible passage so I started with a few verses in John 15. I love the analogies of being a vine with God as our gardener. Anyway, I repeated the first few verses over and over until they stuck in my head. As I did that, a huge weight just lifted off my heart. The veil of darkness was gone. I shed tears of happiness at the realization. Now I'm prepared for the next spiritual battle -- I just need to arm myself with the Word and God will do the rest. The next battles might not be so easy to overcome. I'm just thankful that this time was such a short spell. I don't ever want to get lost in that dark again.

Here's to memorizing more verses in John 15 -- I can't wait until I can say the whole thing by heart. :-)

Christmas Treats

I just love making Christmas goodies -- sweets are so much more fun to make than real food. :-) I baked two batches of cut-outs the other night and did two more today. Yesterday, I dipped my truffles. They turned out pretty good! Not only are they pretty, but they are pretty darn tasty!

The first couple batches of cut-outs

Caleb got to make letters out of leftover cookie dough

Making chocolate truffles

Pretty Truffles

From another angle

Christmas Goodies

I have no idea where to start this year. We'll be traveling around a lot.

• For some reason, I always feel like we should have cut-outs because they're tasty and fun to decorate with the kids. 
• I kind of want to try my hand at chocolate truffles this year. I found a recipe last year that looked like it'd be easy to make, but never got around to actually testing it out. 
• Tim likes mint chocolate pinwheel cookies, but I'm not sure I want to do those this year. 
• Maybe I'll do caramels again though. My mom got me a candy thermometer for Christmas last year so this time I'll know exactly the time to pull them off the stove so they're not too soft. 
• I'm definitely going to do white chocolate and regular or dark chocolate covered pretzels again though. That's the one thing I know for sure!

Once I figure out what I'm making and how much of it, then I can start my grocery list and find time to make it! Yum!

What are some of your favorites to make?

A Year of Thanksgiving

Today, I turned 28 years old. Another year has gone by. It hasn't even dawned on me yet that I'm a year older.  Am I any wiser than I was a year ago? I'd like to hope so.

This past year has been filled with so many blessings. I can't even count them all. The biggest ones of course are the easiest to remember -- like buying a house or Tim's new position at work. The small blessings are the ones that I'm most thankful for -- our health, a roof over our head, plenty of food to eat, comfort, opportunities to serve at church and in the community, love, family, laughter, joy, prayer, and more. It's truly been a year to be thankful for.

Now... if only I had some snow to go along with my birthday. You're probably wondering what in the world is she talking about?

Is she crazy? 

Yes, I am. I admit it, but if you already knew me well, you wouldn't have had to ask that question. haha...

Every year I pray for snow on my birthday. For some reason, I didn't think to do it this year. The past few birthdays have had more than just light flurries too! The ground was covered in a few inches with big, wet flakes falling out of the sky. The weather was almost like a blizzard. So it was always fun to stay inside and cuddle up with a good book and a mug of tea or hot chocolate. Today, it's very strange to celebrate another year of my life without having that beautiful, white wonderland outside. I'll survive though. I know there's more plenty more time for snow to come yet. There are so many more blessings yet to come!

A Glorious God!

Oh goodness -- there's so much to write about, but where to begin?

Thanksgiving came and is already gone. I just brought out a box of Christmas decorations. There were only a handful of boxes marked "Christmas" in the basement. The decorations don't seem like they will fill up our house like they took over our whole living room last year. I guess we'll need to invest in more after the holidays are over and everything is marked down. I have no idea where to begin though! Luckily, I still have some time.

Here's a fore warning -- this post may jump around a bit. So I apologize if you're not following at all. Sometimes it makes more sense in my head then it does on paper. I'll probably read this in a few years and just laugh at myself. 

God has been at work in my heart. Well, I guess technically He always is at work, but more recently I've been feeling Him more. He's given me peace about a really tough decision that I had to make. I thought I'd be angry or resentful with the results. Instead I'm just a little sad, but know that it's for the better and look forward to this new direction. I'm just thankful that God always knows which way I should go and steers me toward the right path even when I stubbornly try to carve out my own little rabbit trails that soon get lost in the tall grass.

This past week, Sunday School was so great! I can tell that people have been praying about it because Tim and I led so well together and I couldn't think of anything that went "wrong." Maybe God is just changing me. I asked Him to do that -- to change my perception, to change my heart, to give me a more positive outlook. Every time I want to find the worst in a situation, God quickly reminds me of the good. He isn't letting me sink into that dark hole that I so often find myself in -- the hole where I feel jealous and sorry for myself, the hole where I feel alone without anyone there to drag me back up out of the darkness. I see the light shining dimly on the walls and see it penetrate the room. It's God's light shining through me. I know He is there just like He always is.

The grey clouds may dampen my spirit at times, but it won't crush it. I refuse to let it! The cold air brings apples to my cheeks and a bright cherry nose. I feel alive and it's wonderful! So instead of falling deep into a bit of blackness, I bask in the sunshine of a glorious God. AMEN!

I guess I didn't jump around as much as I thought I would. For some reason, my thoughts came out better than I could've imagined. It's times like now that the Holy Spirit seems to take over my mind and my fingers so that I can type words that fully capture the beauty of my thoughts instead of keeping them locked up in a cage. I've really missed writing like this. Sometimes I'll go back and reread old journal entries and am amazed by the insight that I had. I have no idea where it came from other than up above. Isn't God amazing? I sure think so. 

Anyway, I better finish a Christmas gift that I'm making. Over and out for now.

A Peace Offering

It must not be easy to live with me. I'm critical and negative. I try so hard to find the good and to get in the Word every day. 

But....  I  .... s t u m b l e... more often than I'd like to admit. 

*sigh*

Yesterday was a bad day for me. After teaching Sunday School with Tim, I happened to find everything we did wrong with the kids. By "we," I diverted the blame to Tim instead of myself. How horrible is that? It was actually a pretty good class compared to some other weeks. There were good questions and participation. I'm greedy and selfish and wanted more. I wanted to see those kids down on bended knee and fully realizing who God is. I wanted them to pray from their heart and not goof around. Instead of focusing on what God was doing through Tim and I, I was focusing on what we could do better by our own will rather than through God's. I just need to surrender it all to Him.

After venting a little, I felt God tell me that I could've handled that better. There was no excuse for what I said... and I couldn't take the words back. I struggle with holding my tongue at times. The words that I think should just be written in a journal and locked up never to been seen by anyone. Or better yet, I should just burn them afterwards so even I can't look back on my own ugliness. 

But through the ugly, brokenness, I can be renewed into something beautiful..... until I stumble again.

Last night, Tim and I were assembling Caleb's new bed that we inherited from Tim's cousin. The holes weren't lining up quite right and we were getting pretty upset with that darn bed. It was really a pain! There was arguing with each other and raised voices. My ugly spirit was revealed again even after I had vowed earlier to be a better wife. 

Tim went to pick up Caleb from Awana and returned with a peace offering:

I'm reminded again of how beauty shines through the ugliness. I don't deserve forgiveness, but Tim was willing to give it as freely as God gives His grace and mercy. One more day has come and gone and yet I'm still a failure in acting Christ-like all the time. I'm humbled by God's grace -- that "he who began a good work in me" would still want to "carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." I stumble, but wipe off the mud and dust my shoes off as He picks me up and sets me back on my feet again.

A season of JOY!

Christmas -- the season of giving. Yes, the time is getting nearer and I have yet to even start shopping.

I was paging through a Shopko ad today and saw a few things that would be nice to have, but I just don't really need anything. I'm completely content with what I have and would rather see the look of joy on the faces of others. That's my favorite part of Christmas -- next to celebrating the birth of our Lord and Savior.

When I asked Caleb what he wanted for Christmas a few weeks ago, he replied with, "nothing." I actually had to give him a few ideas and almost encourage him to be greedy and materialistic. What's wrong with me? If my kid is fine with a few cardboard boxes and a roll of tape, I should be fine with that too. For some reason, the world pulls me in and makes me feel out of place because my child doesn't want the latest toys and gadgets out there. He's content like I am. I guess that's something to be proud of.

I am proud of him. Extremely!

A simple smile on my 5-year old's face says it all when I see him giving his toys to friends without asking for anything in return. Yes, he even gave away one of his most precious toys, a Buzz Lightyear doll. He had two of them and even played with both, but he was willing to part with the smaller one just because he thought his friend might like it. It was so sweet! His generous attitude is something that even I can learn from. 

We are so blessed and have way more than we could ever need. Thank you, Father! I pray that we can have servant hearts during the Christmas season and give with JOY. We have clothes on our backs, beds to sleep in, a house to live in, and plenty of food to eat. There are others that our less fortunate. Let's give to those that really need it.

The season of Joy -- a time to share what's most important with my family -- a time of thanksgiving -- a time of laughter -- a time of LOVE. 

Rejoice!

Michelle's Tips on Healthy Living

1. Eat in moderation 
• Snacks and sweets are tasty, but are only meant to be eaten in small amounts.
• When eating a meal, try and gauge how full you are to avoid over-eating. A 7 out of 10 would mean that you're content, but not bursting at the seams. Save the rest of your meal for later and then you'll have room to enjoy some dessert!
• Try using smaller plates to control portion sizes.
2. Self-control 
• Don't go for that second piece of cake. It's not worth it! 
3. Education
• Check the serving sizes before eating or drinking to avoid over doing it.
• Limit eating out and skipping meals.
• Eat often (breakfast, snack, lunch, snack, dinner, snack) -- depending on your eating schedule, you may want to omit the afternoon or night snack. Then you won't get to the point where you feel like you're "starving" and just eat whatever is in sight and regret it later. 
• Control your carbs -- about 45-60 grams of carbs for meals and 15-30 grams of carbs for snacks. Then you can better maintain your sugar levels and your body won't need to store any unused sugar as fat.
• Use whole-grain or wheat vs. white if you can for pasta, bread, and rice. It takes longer for your body to process and will help you stay full longer.
4. Exercise
• Do some sort of activity after meals instead of plopping down in front of the couch. If you haven't over eaten, you shouldn't feel stuffed to the point of feeling exhausted. 
• Examples: walking, playing at a park (try those monkey bars out!), active Wii games, dancing in the living room, exercise DVDs, etc...

There's more that I could write, but these are a few healthy tidbits that I've been wanting to share. Healthy living can still taste good and be fun. As long as you're smart about it, you don't have to give up any of those foods and treats that you love. 

Aprender Inglés

Today, I started tutoring a girl in Caleb's class. I was a little excited and nervous to use some of my Spanish skills again. This girl came from Mexico and doesn't really know English. I can't imagine being placed in a classroom of kindergartners and not being able to speak the same language as them.

My goal is to come up with fun ways to teach the different kindgergarten conceptsso she can understand them in English and mark her progress along the way. I found a great website: http://www.esl-kids.com/index.html that has flashcards, games, songs, worksheets, and other links for teaching ESL. So pumped!

Our first day went pretty well. We worked on recognition and naming of letters and numbers. We reviewed colors and attempted naming the shapes. I have my work cut out for me. B can sing the alphabet, but cannot recognize the letter shapes to be able to tell me what they are. The same with numbers. She can count, but wasn't able to point to a number and tell me what it was called. I'm up for the challenge!

We're going to try and meet once a week for 30 minutes while friends watch Sonya. It's not much time to teach, but kindergartners have short attention spans so we wouldn't have been able to accomplish much more if we tried going longer. I'm hoping to figure out a way that I can tutor B after school or something so that I don't have to try and find people to watch Sonya for me. Then Caleb can kind of help with tutoring too!

Well, that's all for now. This next week is a short week for school so we're not tutoring at all. Praying that our next session goes well!

Garden Artistry

Our pastor's wife is amazing with gardening and offered to give me a few plants that she had an abundance of. I had been looking to transform our yard and add some more color inbetween the bushes in the front of the house and then add a few along the side of the driveway. So this was a great opportunity to learn more about different perennials and do a bit of experimenting with their growing seasons and colors. We'll see how everything turns out when spring rolls around. I'm just glad I got all the flowers in the ground this fall already so I can be ahead of the ballgame. So excited!! 

Front of the House

Before... 

Astilbe between the two bushes

Phlox
 Mums (yellow/orange/pink blossoms)
Corieopsis (yellow w/ red near center)

Summer Aster (lilac color)

Corieopsis (yellow w/ red near center) in barrel
Aster (light purple)
Blanket Flower (red with yellow tips)
Mum (pink)
Blanket Flower (red with yellow tips)
Aster (dark purple)
Purple Ground Cover (unknown name)

 East Side of House

Day Lilies (pale orange)
Black-Eyed Susan (yellow w/ black center)
Day Lilies (pale orange)

Daisies (white w/ yellow centers)
Day Lilies (pale orange)
Daisies (pale orange)

Tulips (red)
Black-Eyed Susans (yellow w/ black centers)
Tulips (red)

Patio Area

Primroses that bloomed in summer

Primroses (yellow)
Jacob's Ladder (purple) 

West Side of House

After the grass was removed / Before the flowers

After

Black-Eyed Susan (yellow w/ black center)
Day Lily (pale orange)
Black-Eyed Susan (yellow w/ black center)
Geraniums (purple?)

Sedum (dark purple)
Purple Coneflowers (purple/pink petals)
Asiatic Lily (bright orange)
Purple Coneflowers (purple/pink petals)
Sedum (dark purple)

By the Garage

Before....

Cut-Leaf Coneflower (yellow)
Purple Ground Cover (unknown name)
Yarrow (strawberry red w/ yellow centers)

Along the Back of the House

Tulips (pink and red)  in early spring

Day Lilies (pale orange)
Asiatic Lily (bright orange)

The saddest part of planting was having to cut back the leaves and flower buds so that all the nutrients and water could go to the root. Even though I knew it was important for the flowers to fully establish themselves in the ground, it was hard to say good-bye to the short lived blooms that brightened up the yard. It reminded me of how God sometimes prunes us a little so that we can bear more fruit. We have our set backs, but we're constantly growing. Thinking of how beautiful these flowers will be if they survive my transplanting them, made me smile. God also loves to see the fruit of His labors.

Girlfriends in God

I just found a new favorite blog: http://www.girlfriendsingod.com.

It's filled with so much inspiration as well as conviction. The reason I stumbled upon it was because I was looking for a devotion to do at Girls' Night last night. It was also a celebration of baby Lincoln so I wanted it to relate to motherhood as well as being a wife and a friend. The one I chose was about words -- how to encourage others, how to control our tongue especially when we have negative thoughts that want to spill out.

As a mother, I try my best to show my kids how much I appreciate them. I know I can always do a better job of recognizing the positive qualities in them and actually telling them versus bragging to friends and family or blogging about it. Today at lunch, I told Sonya why I loved her. She may not have contributed to the conversation or even really understood what I was saying, but I could tell that she was devouring the attention. She even laughed at the appropriate times.

Lord, help me to be a cheerleader for my friends and family by encouraging them and loving on them. Help me see through the distractions of my life so I can manage my time better so I can spend it by glorifying You. I don't want to be careless with my words. Guide my thoughts and actions so they can build others up instead of focusing on the negative. Give me the words with which to train my children in your Word instead of becoming counteractive by yelling or getting angry.

There are so many other things I could write about this topic, but I'll keep this short for now. I'm just so thankful for finding a blog that can help me get my daily dose of God in.

Babies....

I want one! Well, I'd like another one. I keep seeing them everywhere and I can't help but having baby fever a little bit. Why do they have to be so darn cute?

We're going to wait to have baby #3 though because we'd like to do a road trip next summer out to Colorado. So it'd be easier to do if I wasn't pregnant or trying to care for a newborn. We'll probably hike a little in the mountains and who knows what else? That just means my baby fever has to be satisfied by holding other peoples' babies for now.

Temptation in a plastic cup

I think I found a new friend. Her name is pumpkin cheesecake. Mix her up with some vanilla custard at Culvers and this is what you get: 

It tastes so GOOD! I'm so glad I only got a mini sized one and shared it with Sonya. I can only imagine how it'll go to my hips. haha... It's so worth it though. I love you pumpkin cheesecake! Shh... don't tell Tim! :-)

Friends that Last

I've been on an "Ugly Betty" kick for a little while. I had watched episodes here and there when it was on TV, but missed quite a few because it was on while Caleb was awake and I chose to spend time with him. So when I saw the season DVDs at the library, I decided to watch every episode. I'm still not done yet. For some reason, they were missing season one so I have to look those up on hulu. But, the character of Betty seems quite familiar to me in a lot of ways.

Betty is very passionate about the people and things that she loves. She's punctual, responsible, and has a big heart. I couldn't see anyone not liking her. You know what though? Kids in high school and even her co-workers couldn't look past her appearance to see what she was actually capable of. The only reason she got her big chance at Mode magazine was because the owner didn't want his son, the editor, to be tempted by the secretary. In grade school and even parts of high school, I was far from popular and far from being stylish or "pretty". I was the shy, smart kid that did all her homework, listened to the teachers, and read a lot. I didn't have many friends, let alone good friends that have stayed with me up until this particular chapter of my life. The one thing that Betty had that I didn't was confidence. She saw past what others thought and was exactly who she wanted to be. I've always admired that quality.

One of the episodes that I watched made me question who my real friends are and why. Betty's friend/ex-boyfriend, Gio, didn't want to talk to her anymore mainly because she broke up with him. She couldn't understand why he was avoiding her. She tried apologizing and thought that would help them be friends again. It wasn't enough. Why should she try and repair a broken friendship with someone that didn't even want to talk to her anymore? Was she being selfish? Yes, a little bit. She couldn't stand the thought of someone hating her or disliking her. That's the part I can totally relate to. I've always drifted from one group of friends to another. It seemed like I was never good enough to be a friend or I was the one that kids turned to as sort of an adoptive friend when they were having problems with their current friend. Once they were fine again, I was the friend left in the dust. I strived so hard for them to like me only to be left on the wayside. Talk about a real confidence shattering. I didn't see friendships as a give and take relationship since I did all the giving and didn't experience much of the taking. I was "friends" with other kids for selfish reasons -- to feel needed and loved. I really thought they'd like me and that I could finally have a bosom friend like Anne of Green Gables. I was naive and thought that anyone could be friends with anyone else if they really wanted. It wasn't rocket science.

We all have a desire to be wanted. For me, I became someone else when I was around different people. I liked the things that they liked because I didn't want to lose their friendship. Instead, I lost my identity. Now, I have a lot of interests, but I wonder if they're really mine. I think so, but it's hard to tell. Who is Michelle Nikolai? Well, I'm still a bit of a dork or a geek. (Just ask Tim!) I like conversations that make me think. I love learning and would go to grad school in a heart beat if I could. I'm horrible at remembering names of books and movies. (I could watch or read something 5x and still be surprised in parts of the movie or book). I wear my heart on my sleeve even though I try to be strong. I'm better at communicating by writing than talking in person sometimes. I enjoy singing even though I could never make it past the auditions for American Idol. I love Jesus and try to be a better person everyday. I'm working on being a better friend. It's hard when I feel shut out though or when I feel like I'm carrying the weight of the friendship. In that sense, I don't think I'm being selfish anymore. I've made progress. I'm growing. Friendships are blossoming while others fade. I don't need to be the center of attention. I don't need to be popular. I just need to be there when you need me. That's what true friendship is all about. Thank you to all my friends out there that truly care and take the time to give and take. I love and appreciate each of you. :-)

Love,
Michelle

Here's to Happily Ever After

*Today, I was inspired to write about my friend's wedding and all the details. I enjoy writing about things that I know and recording them. No worries if you don't read through all of this. It's pretty long. It's mostly for my own memory purposes.*

Friday morning -- I tried cleaning up the house as best as I could before my mom arrived. She was going to be watching our kids all weekend while Tim and I were in Illinois for the wedding. Since Caleb was in school, it was easier to have my mom come to the house so she could pick him up later. Then the kids would be able to sleep in their own beds for the night. So my mom came around 11am. We were just finishing up some packing. I showed my mom where to pick up Caleb after school, double checked that we had everything (including maps), and we were off. Sonya seemed pretty content to just be held by Grandma. I don't think she realized we were going to be gone for so long.

We were on the road for a little over an hour before we stopped to eat lunch. It was really healthy! Well, my sandwich had lettuce and tomato on it. :-) and I had a cinnamelt. Ok, so it wasn't healthy at all. But, it tasted REALLY good! The weather was kind of chilly and my food helped warm me up. I was already wearing my dress for the rehearsal because I didn't know if we'd have time to get ready before everything started.

We arrived at my friend's house around 2pm. Tim dropped me off so he could go check-in at the hotel already. I got to finish up my make-up and chill with E and another bridesmaid, R. I met a few of the groomsmen including the one I'd be paired up with during the wedding ceremony. He had the same name as the groom so that made it easy to remember. Three o'clock rolled around and we walked next door to J's parents' house. (J is the groom). They have a beautiful property. I don't even know how big it was. We only saw the area where we did the rehearsal. J was trying to hook up speakers so we could have the music while we practiced walking down the "aisle." It was a LONG way to walk. All of us girls were thinking that we'd fall in our heels because the actual grounds where the wedding was going to be held had a grassy aisle with stone paths.

Once we did one run through, I ran back to L's house with R so she could change shoes and I could change into something warmer. It wasn't super fancy, but a nice sweater with black pants would be better in the chilly weather. Tim got back to the house around this time so we all walked over to J's parents' house again. We went inside to open gifts from the bride and groom. L gave me a photo frame filled with pictures of her and I from our past along with some silver flip flops for dancing at the wedding, and a silver shawl to wear over my shoulders if I got cold after the ceremony. She gave Tim and I a bottle of red wine, Cabernet Sauvignon to take back to our hotel since we weren't staying at the main hotel where the rest of the wedding party would be.

There wasn't much time before the coach bus would get there so Tim and I took all of our stuff back to his car. Then we chatted for a little bit until we boarded the bus. Well, Tim got to ride the bus while the bridal party all rode in a limo.

We were traveling from Crystal Lake, IL to Lake Geneva, WI. It's funny because we totally passed Lake Geneva on our way down. Anyway, we were headed to the lake for a dinner cruise rehearsal dinner. The limo ride was fun. It was my first time in one. We had a bottle of Reisling and I drank a few glasses of that. Apparently, the bus took a different way than we did and got to the lake earlier so they drove around and J's dad grabbed the mic so he could give a tour. lol! I had thought we saw them ahead of us at one point, but they left after us so I didn't think it was possible.

The dinner cruise was nice. As we walked on the Lady of the Lake, we were greeted with glasses filled with champagne.

So Tim and I grabbed one and found a spot to sit.

We ended up at a table with R and her husband, P. R had gone to Ripon College too so I knew her a little bit, but it was fun to get to know her better. It's too bad she lives in CA! Well, maybe it's a good reason to travel out there! Our boat had three levels. The bottom one, where we ate, was heated so we stayed down there most of the time. The second level had a bar where I got a kiddy cocktail (hehe) and technically there was a dance floor, but it was too cold to stay on that level very long. I never made it to the third level though. Some people gave speeches and that about sums it up for the cruise.

The ride back to Crystal Lake was rather quiet. I think we were all tired and some of the boys had been drinking a little too much so that probably didn't help. But, we made it back and Tim and I left for our hotel for the night. It was close to 11pm or maybe later by the time we got there so we fell asleep right away.

Saturday morning -- I tried sleeping in a bit. For some reason, I was having a hard time sleeping. I think I was a bit nervous and excited about what to expect during the rest of the day. We were meeting at L's parents' house to get our hair and make-up done. So I got there at 8:30. It was so nice to feel pampered. I chose a messy side bun for my hairstyle and L's family friend did my make-up with natural tones since I wasn't sure I could pull off anything else without looking like a clown. lol.. L's grandma was hilarious. She was flirting with the photographer and he dubbed her as his date for the night. It was a good time for girl bonding. I loved spending time with L's family.

Once we were all beautified, we headed over to Mundelein/Libertyville area so people could do early check-in at the Hilton Garden Inn. As I mentioned before, Tim and I were staying somewhere else so we chauffeured some of the bridal party around since Tim could check us in after the girls were settled. We kind of got lost on the way to the main hotel though and had to stop for directions. Of course the best place to stop is at a chocolate store, right? They were nice and printed out a little map for Tim and my loving husband decided to buy some chocolate too! We were only running a few minutes behind -- got to the Hilton and basically turned around to go to the Lake Forest Academy to get dressed at the Armour House. It was going to be a fancy wedding!

We all ate a quick sandwich from Subway and then got into our dresses before adding a flower to our hair. The bride was absolutely stunning in her dress. I've never seen her so happy!

The photographers were ready for us so after the bride and groom had a few photos done, the whole wedding party met outside on the lawn to have our pictures taken.

My wedding partner asked me if he smelled like alcohol. I replied, "yeah, kinda." lol... I was just thankful that he didn't smell like smoke. He had been smoking the night before, but I guess he decided to use the fake cigarettes like you see on infomercials that use a mist of some sort. So yeah... it was interesting. By the time we were done, I was so ready to take my shoes off. I'm so not used to wearing heels! All the other girls followed suit and rested their feet before the ceremony was about to start. Then, a little before 5:30pm, we went downstairs to line up.

The music started and we all made it down the grassy aisle without falling. That had been my worst fear. I looked over at the groom as the bride walked in to Canon in D playing. He had a goofy grin on his face and that told me that he was happy to be marrying my friend. Even though he had seen the bride earlier during photos, his face still lit up as if it was the first time he had laid eyes on her.

The rest of the ceremony went without a glitch. I had to laugh during the sand ceremony though because E ended up using all her sand before J was done. Oh well. Then J kissed the bride... a magical moment. The groomsmen and bridesmaids followed. There were waiters at the end of the aisle with champagne for all of us. We didn't stand around for too much longer when platters of quesadillas, beef teriaki, phillo wrapped brie with raspberry, and salmon mousse were being served to us. I felt like royalty. I've never been to a wedding like that!

We had time to chat a little bit before the wedding party had to head upstairs so we could be introduced. I was so glad that I switched into my silver flip flops to go down the stairs. I'm reminded of the Princess Diaries and scenes like that where they present the princess or queen. They walk down the stairs with candles at the base of the railing and everyone is watching. This is why I was thankful for flip flops. There was no way I wanted to trip down the steps in front of everyone.

Dinner was lovely. We sat with R & P again and C & J.

We all had a little champagne to toast with before our meal was served. L's sisters and brother did a little song/dance sort of routine. It was SO funny and fit L perfectly. After our final toast to L and J, the waiters began serving us our salad and rolls. Then we had a cold, pineapple sorbet. After that, it was spinach stuffed chicken with long stemmed beans and smashed garlic potatoes. It was delicious. I was so full, but couldn't pass up the wedding cake. The filling was kind of like a strawberry cheesecake. To die for! I sipped the rest of my white wine with that.

While everyone was finishing up eating, we watched a slideshow of J and L. Then it was dancing time!

Tim isn't a big dancer, but I got him out on the floor for a little bit. The dance didn't start until around 10pm so it was getting to be a long day already. We were both pretty exhausted and usually went to bed at 10 so by the time the dance wrapped up, we were ready to head back to the hotel. We helped clean up a few things, said goodbye to L, and were off.

Sunday morning -- Tim and I watched some cartoons at our hotel before we checked out. L had gotten us breakfast tickets at the Hilton so we went over to have brunch with people. We sat with R and P again. Then it was time to depart. After saying a final congratulations to the bride and groom, we started our short journey home. I think the kids missed a little bit. I sure missed them.

The END! ... or just the beginning?

 

Blah!

I keep wanting to write, but then get overwhelmed with everything I could write about. So I just don't do it. Then, the list keeps growing until I just have to start somewhere. I still have no idea where the beginning is. I just know that sometimes, I just have to write. It's in my blood. It makes me happy to unleash all the thoughts crowding in my brain. Although, sometimes my mind feels empty and I wonder where all the thoughts went. Are they lost in my subconscious somewhere? Hmm... something to ponder.

Sorry if I'm going off on a tangent. I tend to do that occasionally or maybe quite more often than I'd like. It's the way that I think though and when you have five million thoughts going through your head at one time, one is bound to go off on at least one or two tangents, right? (or in my case... many more!)

This past weekend was fun. I was in my best friend's wedding. She was my freshman roommate and we created a bond that makes us quite inseparable. Well, we live a little more than two hours away so we don't see each other as often as we'd like, but whenever we get together (about once or twice a year), it's as if we pick up right where we left off. I wish she lived right next door though. I miss being able to see her almost every day. We'd talk about everything -- our dreams, our aspirations, family problems, and of course boy problems. There was always a little bit of drama to keep things interesting. :-)

So anyway, it was nice to see my friend and get to know her family even better. I really enjoyed talking with her grandma especially since I only have one living grandma left (she's on my dad's side) and her memory is slowly losing the battle to dementia. I don't know if my grandma remembers me when I visit. She acts like she knows Caleb sometimes, but she definitely has no idea who Sonya is from one minute to the next after we tell her. It's tough. Even though my grandma is alive and well, I still miss her old self -- the one that knew our entire family tree and had all the latest gossip from town. She never complained about anything. I've always admired her. Now, when we get together, the only thing we can really do is play cards because it makes us all feel like she's still there. It's so easy to pretend like everything is normal (well... other than the moments when grandma "forgets" whose turn it is... but even that could happen before). 

Well, I guess I don't know what to write next. I've been kind of feeling cooped up in the house even though I was just gone for the weekend with Tim. It's been a bit of an adjustment having Caleb at school. I have a lot more time to myself in the afternoon since Sonya naps. I procrastinate though. My house could be sparkling clean -- dishes done, laundry all folded, toys picked up... but I do the bare minimum because I'd rather watch something on hulu or read a book or bake a pie! As my mom would say, my house looks "lived in." She hated that her mom had a pristine house and all of her dolls displayed in a glass case that no one could touch. So I don't mind that my house isn't perfect. I'd prefer it to have a few things out of place. Although it probably drives Tim nuts to think I wasn't being productive all day. That brings me to another thought. I feel like I could be doing more with myself. I could try to take an online Spanish class or adopt a grandparent at the nursing home. If only I wouldn't give up on myself before I start. 

Did you know that I'm a worrier? Yes, as in one who worries. I try my best to give it all to God, but sometimes Satan creeps in and gets the best of my mind. I worried a TON about my weekend away before it even started. What should I pack? What should I wear for the rehearsal? How should I do my hair? Which shoes do I need? Did I remember my toothbrush? How cold is it going to be? I made a list of what needed to be done so at least it wasn't all floating around in my head, but it didn't help much. My mom had never really watched both kids overnight before -- let alone two nights in a row. It was Sonya's second overnight without mommy and daddy. So I wanted to make sure they had enough food and that their overnight bags were packed for when they decided to drive over to grandma and grandpa's since Caleb still had school. Despite all my worrying, I only forgot a pair of jeans. I just wore my black pants so it wasn't the end of the world. Sonya survived with a little less sleep than she's used to, but it all ended well. I wish I didn't worry myself so much. It's like having a huge weight sitting in my stomach like a lump of lead. I almost need to be told what to do because I can't think for myself. Tim tried being helpful when I asked his opinion on stuff, but he's not a woman and basically said I looked good in anything I showed him. haha... men! or should I say husbands!

This is getting long. I guess I had more to write about than I thought. Once I get going, it's harder to stop. So I bid you all adieu for now and will be back soon with more thoughts from Michelle. :-)

Teaching Sunday School

For some reason, the Lord put it on Tim and my hearts to teach Sunday School for the 4th-6th grade again. Last year we were just fill-ins and now we're "in charge." It's going to be a challenge, that's for sure. But... the blessings will be that much greater! I can't wait to develop relationships with these kids and watch them grow in their faith. Today was good. We talked about worshiping God and how all of humanity is called to worship Him. Our passage was in Romans 1 where Paul is saying how he's not ashamed of the gospel because it proclaims how we can be SAVED! He addresses the Romans telling them that in all things, we can see God, yet the foolish will worship the beautiful things He has made while the wise will worship their Creator. It's an awesome message. I was even able to share my testimony. The kids actually sat quiet and listened without interruption. I was surprised to capture their attention so well. haha...

(Oh, and Tim used an analogy about a really great sandwich that unfortunately has a few specks of mold on one of the pieces of bread. If we had a choice to eat the sandwich as is, we'd probably toss it. Otherwise, the other option is to cut out that tiny little chuck of bread and enjoy our sandwich anyway. It's just like God sent Jesus down for us to wipe away our sin or remove that bit of mold from our lives so that we can still be a part of God's life without being thrown in the trash. Hope that makes sense. I thought it was kind of clever. Tim is so good at coming up with weird stuff like that... lol. I'm so glad we work together!) -- UPDATE: Ok, I lied... well, not really. I thought Tim came up with it all on his own only to find out he found it on google. *sigh* so disappointing...lol

Throughout this year, I'd really like to teach the kids to dig into the Bible and try to understand it on their own. Obviously, Tim and I will be there to help move things along. But, I just want to develop in them a sense of wonder and awe of God's Word. I want them to grow and learn more about why they believe the things they do. I want to prepare them for the world that is filled with hypocrisy and judgement. I want them to be able to defend their faith if they're ever in a situation where someone is trying to convince them that they're wrong. I want to see a strong, solid foundation that they and others can continue to build off of. They're our future! God has so many wonderful things in store for them. I'm hoping they will practice their faith in their daily lives and share it openly without being ashamed of the Good News.

I might be setting high goals for myself, but I know that through prayer and the help of God, we can mold these young minds into an army for the Lord. I just pray that I can stay strong and not get discouraged. There will be times when the kids won't listen or just won't understand. I pray that God will speak through Tim and I and guide our words and actions. I pray that I'm more diligent in my daily reading and that I can do better to be an example not only for my students, but for other adults and my own children. God is so good and I just want to be on FIRE for Him and just have His light shine down.

Lord, help me to share my excitement and enthusiasm with these kids. Let me be a beacon of your love. Give me patience beyond what I need. Help me to show them what it is to be a child of God. Thank you so much for this opportunity to work with this age group. It is going to be a great way to grow closer to You and to just continue growing in my own walk with You.

Your loving daughter,
Michelle

Should I try this?

I'm in a wedding next weekend and am trying to figure out how I want to have my hair done. For some reason, I've been thinking of a side bun updo. Do you think I can pull it off?

With this dress...

She's so vain

Sometimes, I look in the mirror and am just not happy with what I see. My face is breaking out again, the red blotches dotted on my arms and legs linger like angry mosquito bites, there are dark circles under my eyes, and the list could go on. Why is it that we, as women, have to be so critical of ourselves? Despite how I look, my husband is always supportive and tries to reassure me that I'm indeed beautiful. Does he see something that I don't?

I think part of the problem is that we're constantly comparing ourselves to each other -- clothes that we wear, lifestyles we lead, cars and houses, significant others, the behavior of our kids, our spirituality, our cooking ability, etc. Where does it end? We always want just a little bit more. Yet, then we go through seasons of complete contentment before the cycle starts all over again.

I'm guilty and a little embarrassed by the fact that sometimes I don't feel "good enough." Maybe it's my problem of perfectionism. I want to be the best at everything. I try so hard not to act vain, but sometimes when I'm looking in the mirror, I think to myself that maybe I am vain in a sense. Maybe we all are....

When I spend a little extra time to put on some make-up, put on a nice outfit, and actually have time to do my hair, I feel pretty. And I feel confident in a pair of hoop earrings and some heels. Is it so wrong to actually feel beautiful sometimes? It's one thing to be told that we're cute, or "hot", or beautiful, but it's another to actually feel like we are. I want to go out on a limb and predict that all women feel like this periodically. I just don't want my kids growing up thinking that their appearance means everything in the world to their friends and family. It doesn't at all. I pray that I can be more comfortable in my own skin without feeling like I need to look or act like someone else -- I just need to be me again.

Running - A chore or a pleasure?

I didn't think to add running to my list, but it's been something that I've been wanting to do more often. When I first ran earlier in the summer, I was only able to make it 3/4 of a mile and I was completely spent. I don't know if my breathing was off or what, but I didn't have the same sort of satisfaction that I had last night.

Since the weather was absolutely perfect -- nice and cool, I felt motivated to take a run. So I changed into some running clothes and got my shoes on before I changed my mind. If I'm in running mode, I just have to go otherwise I'll procrastinate and never get around to doing it. Well, I did a few warm-up stretches -- lunges, the grapevine, high knees, etc... then did a brisk walk around the block. Then, I ran. My beginning pace was a little too fast. There was no way I'd be able to keep that up if I wanted to get up to a mile. Once I had my breathing figured out, the run was quite enjoyable. It was the first time in a while where my lungs didn't feel like they were burning and my side wasn't aching.

I just kept winding around the streets near our house, not sure how far I'd make it and didn't want to be too far from home if for some reason I had to just walk back. I started at the corner of W. Theis and Benjamin and went north on Benjamin until I hit Beutel. Then I proceeded to go west on Beutel all the way until Holden. I headed back towards TJ and just kept on going until Whitefish. Then I took a left onto Webster, a right on Monroe, and ran back up to Benjamin where I sprinted the last stretch on James back to the house. I felt good. It took me a little bit to catch my breath so I walked around a bit and did a cool down.

After I got inside, I immediately went to the computer to check how far I went. I was amazed that it was 1.5 miles and couldn't believe that I did it!! I was aiming to do just a little over a mile and surpassed my individual goal. When I left the house, it was around 8:15 -- I had walked past Lincoln on W. Theis as my warm-up, but then didn't check my watch to see what time it was when I actually started running. Then I got home around 8:33. I don't have a digital watch and didn't have my phone with me to use the stopwatch so I was guesstimating on the times (plus it was dark out). I'm thinking I averaged a 9 minute mile.

Considering I only ran one other time this summer and haven't run more than 1/2 a mile since college, I was very happy with myself. Even though I was the only one running, I felt like I won the race. :-) I realized that I'm capable of ANYTHING! I just have to go out there and do it.

Today, I'm a little sore. I could actually feel it last night already, but I'm not going to complain. It's the kind of soreness that just feels good. Now the question is: When will Michelle run next and how far will she go?

Bucket List....

I want to do everything. I have way too many interests. I figure if I type them all up while I'm thinking of them, that might help my ADD type thoughts from overwhelming me.

Keep up with my Spanish
Learn Italian
Take a dance class
Finish my sunflower painting
Become an ambassador for World Vision
Adopt a nursing home resident
Play a sport
Start a Bible Study
Teach kids how to create origami boxes
Bake more (for others)
Write encouraging notes for friends (and others)
Spend more time with the kids
Travel - to CO or FL
Read everything by Nicholas Sparks and Alexander McCall Smith

I was reading in the paper the other day about three girls that created a summer bucket list. I thought that'd be fun to do with friends. It was just stuff that they wanted to accomplish during the summer - some practical stuff along with some goofy things too! Maybe the list above could be my "bucket list." Although, I don't know what kind of deadline I should give myself. All of these things could easily be accomplished if I just put my mind to it.

Troubles sleeping

Last night, I woke up soon after falling asleep. The pain in my abdomen was intense. It had been throbbing most of the day and pain killers just barely touched the worst of it. Yes, I'm talking about my monthly friend. I don't know why we refer to it as a "friend" as it's far from that. It's not a welcoming visit that I look forward to other than to confirm that I'm not expecting baby #3 quite yet. I was content not getting my friend for almost two years while I was pregnant with and nursing my youngest child. Anyway, I couldn't sleep. No position felt comforting to me. So I got out of bed and made my way to the couch, pillow in hand, to watch "Under the Tuscan Sun." I laid awake while completely captured by this movie. I felt inspired by the love and romance in Italy.

Lately, I've been trying to find an appropriate, yet romantic theme for our bedroom. Now, I have thoughts of transforming it to have the atmosphere of a Tuscan villa out in the countryside. It'd be tough and probably expensive to do though. Maybe Tim and I could just travel there instead. I've always wanted to go to Europe so I could see the vineyards and taste the fresh cheeses and walk through the markets to watch people bustling by as they make their produce purchases for the day. Movies make those types of places so enchanting. I only hope that my imagination of what it would be like is a dull comparison to the reality of it all.

While I was trying to doze off to sleep again, I made a feeble attempt to romanticize Port Washington. Of course I did not have a pen or paper near me so I recited it all in my head. The words seem so distant, lost in the fog of my memory. The gentle breeze running past my face like a warm kiss upon my cheek. I step outside to breathe in the sweet, cool air. It smells like rain; the long, neglected blades of grass glisten in the pale moonlight. Everything that had seemed so important faded into the background as I remembered what it was like to be an innocent child once again. Colors so vibrant surrounded me -- the morning sky, a pale greyish-blue with shades of red and yellow, a bright, fiery orange dancing in the sky while the majestic clouds illuminate the sunrise even more.

Purple petals so deeply beautiful ...

Like I said, the words sounded better when I was daydreaming after the movie. I can't fully capture the words and images that I pictured in my mind.

Free writing...

I keep wanting to write and don't know where to start. By the time I think of it, I have already run out of time to finish. So it just sits there -- kind of like the archives, getting dustier with age. The cobwebs increase and the cockroaches run to hide in the corners. Termites eat away at my wooden desk. It's how I imagine it right now. Since this is free writing, there's no turning back to delete my thoughts. This is going to get published... today. So I just sit here at my desk waiting for the right thing to write about.

The other day, I was going to write about magnetic personalities and how I wished I had one. Then I started feeling all negative about myself. It wasn't a good place for me to be. I'm always wishing I could change myself and maybe be a little more popular. I want people to feel drawn to me -- either just to talk, to get advice, to ask favors, to do nice things for me without even being asked. One of my gifts is that of encouragement. In college, I would constantly be sending out little cards to people that were having a rough day and just knowing I could bring a smile to our face was heart-warming. It's tough to be encouraging all the time especially when I'm feeling discouraged or not encouraged myself. I'm probably confusing you a bit. It's not an easy concept to wrap my head around either. I like being around people, but don't like having to be the one to always do the calling and the inviting. Sometimes I just feel alone in that area.

Ok... I just deleted a line so there goes my free writing. Well, I better get the kids to bed. It's already a little late. Tim is at softball right now so hopefully he goes the night without getting injured again. I wish I had more time to write, but after I tuck the kids in, I might go and play the guitar or read... I've been reading a book from my sister-in-law. It's about the life of Saul/Paul by Beth Moore. (I can't remember the exact title). Anyway, it's a good read and is making me really think about what it was like to live in Jesus' time.

Over and out...
-Michelle

Slowing Down...

I think that sometimes God is trying to tell us to slow down a little and just trust Him a little more. All last week, I was hoping to do a lot of organizing, cleaning, and packing to get ready for moving day. Alas, I got hit with a horrible sinus infection -- one of the worst that I've had in a long time. On top of feeling miserable and fatigued, my left ear had a lot of pressure so I couldn't really hear out of it. (I'm still waiting for that pressure to subside). Anyway, being sick slowed me down enough that I just didn't get anything done around the house. Things didn't go as I had planned in my head. Then, my sister called me up out of the blue and asked if I'd like a visitor. She didn't have to work for a few days, so she came down on Sunday night and is staying until later today ... or maybe tomorrow depending on if we need her. She's been a blessing with helping watch the kids and just distracting me from worrying too much about closing on our house.

Our loan officer sent us an email yesterday with the final amount that we need to bring to closing. We wanted to see a break-down so asked for a copy of the papers that gave details on every expense item. It turns out that they didn't include a credit that we are expecting from the sellers to go towards some electrical work. Luckily, Tim saw that and had to make a lot of calls to get the paperwork changed by working with our realtor and loan officer. I'm not sure if it was the title company that did it wrong or what, but we were a little stressed out last night after our closing costs and down payment fluctuated throughout the day.

After the long day, I was looking forward to watch a nice, relaxing softball game since Tim had a double header last night through our church. It'd be the first game of the season that had decent enough weather for me to come along with the kids. Plus, my sister was here to help with the kids. Well, the weather was still pretty windy and a little chilly so we bundled up into the car. I had popped some popcorn to bring as a snack. It was going to be nice. As we're pulling into the park's parking lot, I see Tim going in the opposite direction. My first thought was that they decided at the last minute that they were going to a different diamond or that the other team forfeited already. I was wondering why he hadn't called me or anything though. I thought I saw something on his chin as we drove past so I told my sister that he was probably going to the emergency room. Although, if he was hurt that bad, I didn't know why he was driving himself.

I pulled into a parking spot to wait and then Tim called. "I'm going to Urgent Care." What???? "I got hit with a ball during practice and the guys thought I needed stitches." So, in my mind, I was freaking out a little, but tried to stay relatively calm. We turned around and met him at the urgent care that was a few blocks from the baseball diamond. I helped him fill out all his paperwork. He didn't want me to stay with him at all and said to just go back to the park to let the kids play and he'd meet us there to watch the game. I had him show me his battle wound really quick just to have an idea of what we were up against and confirmed that he would definitely need some stitches.

With the kids still in the car with my sister, we went back to the park. I watched a little of the game and played with the kids for 45 minutes. It got chilly and I wanted to check on Tim. So we went to urgent care and he was STILL in the waiting room!!! I couldn't believe it. I was SO mad!! I almost chewed out the receptionist, but Tim told me not to bother because it wasn't going to help anything. He'd just complain later in a survey or something. Well, I wasn't sure how much longer he would need to wait, but he insisted he was next in line and that I should just go home to get the kids to bed and maybe pack a few things into my sister's van already. So, I got Tim some more paper towels because his chin was still bleeding a little and then went home.

I kept pacing around the house and looking out the window to see if Tim was home yet. He had been at urgent care since a little after 6pm and finally got home closer to 8:30pm. Yeah, he waited about an hour and fifteen minutes before he was seen by a doctor. But, they stitched him up pretty quick and sent him home. Five stitches in his chin.

Needless to say, instead of worrying about closing on our house this morning -- in two hours to be exact, I was more worried about my husband. God sure knows how to slow us down and appreciate the more important things -- like Tim and my sister and my family.

Writing again!

Seems like life has gotten so busy lately. I had kind of lost my passion for writing. Now it's slowly coming back and I feel a little happier too. :-)

I finally got around to posting the next part of "my story" in Grace Like Rain. So for those of you readers that have been anxiously waiting to hear more, I just posted today. Sorry it took me so long, but it was tough to write about and that was what was holding me back from writing much of anything. I kind of dreaded having to walk down memory lane and relive some feelings that I thought I ditched a while ago.

Anyway, today was a good day. I surprised Caleb by having a picnic lunch at the park after school today. Then, I got a call from Tim and he asked where we were. I thought it was strange that he was asking because he was at work anyway. He had actually gone home to surprise us for lunch since he had to head to Denmark and make a few stops along the way this afternoon. So he came to the park and ate lunch with us. It was nice :-)

Well, it's a beautiful day out so we're going to enjoy it by playing some soccer. Catch ya'll later.

Earthquakes and tsunamis

Last night, I happened upon a documentary on the earthquake and tsunami damage in Japan. Normally I would've just changed the channel to one of my "shows." Instead, I just sat there and was in awe of the intricate design of God's creation, the earth. Science has always been fascinating to me so it was interesting to hear what scientists had to say about everything. I had no idea that there were over 500 aftershocks in Japan, some were even greater intensities than the initial one!

After looking at a map of the plate tectonics lying beneath Japan, I counted not 2, not 3, but SIX plates! The pressure released by the movement of one plate caused the earthquake and the movement of the ocean floor created the waves of the tsunami. The release of pressure from one plate probably created more pressure onto one or more of the neighboring plates. To me, Japan sounds like a ticking time bomb!

I'm definitely no expert, but have always seemed to love geology. I wondered why I never pursued that.....

Anyway, watching video footage of the tsunami acting like a big glacier, tearing up the city beneath it and gaining more power as it pulled more of the wreckage into its path, I struggled with my emotions. The scene captivated me. I couldn't imagine people being in there. Yet, they showed the aftermath and how the Japanese were putting flags in the mud and debris to mark the deceased. I was so saddened and still can't imagine what those people are going through. It's so easy to forget about something that happened on the other side of the world. It's even easy to forget about something that happened yesterday. Talk about desensitization in our society. Sure, the newscasters will show some photos of homeless Japanese men and women amid the aftermath. We'll feel bad for them, but will we really think about how their world literally came crashing down on them? Sometimes I feel helpless -- but then I'm reminded of the power of prayer.

Praying for the Japanese -- that this be a great opportunity to learn more about Jesus Christ and how God can provide for them and comfort them during this time of distress. May God soften the hearts of the Japanese and plant seeds of faith through any believers that they encounter. Lord, just be with these people. They need you so much right now.

*Sorry if this seemed so scattered. Some of my thoughts were lost from last night into today. Other thoughts just kept coming back and I needed to write them down. If you're reading this, please join me in continued prayers for Japan.

Pulling out my hair at times

Parenting is not always easy. Sure, the kids can be very sweet at times, almost angelic. Yet, they have their moments where they like to push your buttons and see how far you'll go. Empty threats of discipline followed by sitting in the corner on the "naughty chair," being put on yellow or even red light, losing special privileges.... I just need to find something that works. Yes, I'm talking about my little boy. Lately, he has been a lot more sassy and has either lost his sense of hearing or is choosing not to listen to mommy and daddy. He's even been teasing a kid at school and doesn't always listen to his teachers. This is not the same kid I placed in 4K at the beginning of the school year. I'm hoping it's just a phase that will pass by.

The other day, I felt like a failure of a mother. I can't control my own kid! But... I have to remember that he has a mind of his own and I won't always be able to control his behavior or the words he says. It was easier when he was littler and acted so sweet and innocent almost all of the time. I'm not ready to be a parent of a 4 and 1/2 year old! Well, I'm ready, but apparently not very well prepared. I guess Caleb will just have to be the guinea pig like all first-borns. I'll probably make some mistakes along the way. (Hopefully nothing too serious! haha) Someone reminded me that Caleb is a pretty good kid most of the time so I must be doing something right. He just seems to act up so much when I'm around that I tend to see the not so angelic side of my little guy.

I've been trying to pray a lot more for my children and also for my parenting. It seems to help a little, but at the end of the day, I still feel like pulling out my hair!

Does anyone have some good ideas to reinforce positive behavior / discipline? I feel like I've tried everything. Maybe I'm lacking consistency with enforcing our current "policies". Either that or I need to try something new and start from scratch.

Well, that's my rant for the moment. Sonya has been teething lately and just whines a lot throughout the day so that probably doesn't help my sanity much. Thank goodness she is taking a morning nap today! I better get a few things done while she's sleeping! Over and out!

The more I pray...

It seems that the more I pray, the more God challenges me. I've been praying a lot about the house that He has in mind for us. Sometimes I wonder why He even lets me get my hopes up about certain houses... only to have them crushed when we learn that the house has an accepted offer or they've taken their house off the market. Yesterday was one of those days of disappointment. I'm learning to just trust that God knows what's best for us. When I look back on some of the doors and windows that He has closed, I realize that maybe that house wasn't quite right for our family. It's still possible that a window or door might open up again. He might be doing some work with the seller's family that we don't know about.

It's funny how I've started praying for complete strangers. Tim suggested that we pray that the buyers on a house we liked would win the lottery or get a really fantastic job in another state so they'd have to pull their offer on the house and we'd be next in line since we put a secondary offer on it. On another house, I'm praying that a woman gets to keep her job and/or they are able to still qualify for a loan on the house that they have an accepted offer on. They have a contingency that they have to sell their house first before they can go forward with the closing on their new house. Who knows? Everything might fall into place so that we still get one of those two houses. Otherwise, it's a new day and we saw two more houses that we can tour. Which direction does God want us to go? We'll find out.... eventually.

For now, I'm just trusting that God will continue to guide us even though at times I feel like I'm on a wild goose chase trying to find a needle in a haystack. I'll find that needle one of these days. :-)