A Peace Offering

It must not be easy to live with me. I'm critical and negative. I try so hard to find the good and to get in the Word every day. 

But....  I  .... s t u m b l e... more often than I'd like to admit. 

*sigh*

Yesterday was a bad day for me. After teaching Sunday School with Tim, I happened to find everything we did wrong with the kids. By "we," I diverted the blame to Tim instead of myself. How horrible is that? It was actually a pretty good class compared to some other weeks. There were good questions and participation. I'm greedy and selfish and wanted more. I wanted to see those kids down on bended knee and fully realizing who God is. I wanted them to pray from their heart and not goof around. Instead of focusing on what God was doing through Tim and I, I was focusing on what we could do better by our own will rather than through God's. I just need to surrender it all to Him.

After venting a little, I felt God tell me that I could've handled that better. There was no excuse for what I said... and I couldn't take the words back. I struggle with holding my tongue at times. The words that I think should just be written in a journal and locked up never to been seen by anyone. Or better yet, I should just burn them afterwards so even I can't look back on my own ugliness. 

But through the ugly, brokenness, I can be renewed into something beautiful..... until I stumble again.

Last night, Tim and I were assembling Caleb's new bed that we inherited from Tim's cousin. The holes weren't lining up quite right and we were getting pretty upset with that darn bed. It was really a pain! There was arguing with each other and raised voices. My ugly spirit was revealed again even after I had vowed earlier to be a better wife. 

Tim went to pick up Caleb from Awana and returned with a peace offering:

I'm reminded again of how beauty shines through the ugliness. I don't deserve forgiveness, but Tim was willing to give it as freely as God gives His grace and mercy. One more day has come and gone and yet I'm still a failure in acting Christ-like all the time. I'm humbled by God's grace -- that "he who began a good work in me" would still want to "carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." I stumble, but wipe off the mud and dust my shoes off as He picks me up and sets me back on my feet again.