A Glorious God!

Oh goodness -- there's so much to write about, but where to begin?

Thanksgiving came and is already gone. I just brought out a box of Christmas decorations. There were only a handful of boxes marked "Christmas" in the basement. The decorations don't seem like they will fill up our house like they took over our whole living room last year. I guess we'll need to invest in more after the holidays are over and everything is marked down. I have no idea where to begin though! Luckily, I still have some time.

Here's a fore warning -- this post may jump around a bit. So I apologize if you're not following at all. Sometimes it makes more sense in my head then it does on paper. I'll probably read this in a few years and just laugh at myself. 

God has been at work in my heart. Well, I guess technically He always is at work, but more recently I've been feeling Him more. He's given me peace about a really tough decision that I had to make. I thought I'd be angry or resentful with the results. Instead I'm just a little sad, but know that it's for the better and look forward to this new direction. I'm just thankful that God always knows which way I should go and steers me toward the right path even when I stubbornly try to carve out my own little rabbit trails that soon get lost in the tall grass.

This past week, Sunday School was so great! I can tell that people have been praying about it because Tim and I led so well together and I couldn't think of anything that went "wrong." Maybe God is just changing me. I asked Him to do that -- to change my perception, to change my heart, to give me a more positive outlook. Every time I want to find the worst in a situation, God quickly reminds me of the good. He isn't letting me sink into that dark hole that I so often find myself in -- the hole where I feel jealous and sorry for myself, the hole where I feel alone without anyone there to drag me back up out of the darkness. I see the light shining dimly on the walls and see it penetrate the room. It's God's light shining through me. I know He is there just like He always is.

The grey clouds may dampen my spirit at times, but it won't crush it. I refuse to let it! The cold air brings apples to my cheeks and a bright cherry nose. I feel alive and it's wonderful! So instead of falling deep into a bit of blackness, I bask in the sunshine of a glorious God. AMEN!

I guess I didn't jump around as much as I thought I would. For some reason, my thoughts came out better than I could've imagined. It's times like now that the Holy Spirit seems to take over my mind and my fingers so that I can type words that fully capture the beauty of my thoughts instead of keeping them locked up in a cage. I've really missed writing like this. Sometimes I'll go back and reread old journal entries and am amazed by the insight that I had. I have no idea where it came from other than up above. Isn't God amazing? I sure think so. 

Anyway, I better finish a Christmas gift that I'm making. Over and out for now.

A Peace Offering

It must not be easy to live with me. I'm critical and negative. I try so hard to find the good and to get in the Word every day. 

But....  I  .... s t u m b l e... more often than I'd like to admit. 

*sigh*

Yesterday was a bad day for me. After teaching Sunday School with Tim, I happened to find everything we did wrong with the kids. By "we," I diverted the blame to Tim instead of myself. How horrible is that? It was actually a pretty good class compared to some other weeks. There were good questions and participation. I'm greedy and selfish and wanted more. I wanted to see those kids down on bended knee and fully realizing who God is. I wanted them to pray from their heart and not goof around. Instead of focusing on what God was doing through Tim and I, I was focusing on what we could do better by our own will rather than through God's. I just need to surrender it all to Him.

After venting a little, I felt God tell me that I could've handled that better. There was no excuse for what I said... and I couldn't take the words back. I struggle with holding my tongue at times. The words that I think should just be written in a journal and locked up never to been seen by anyone. Or better yet, I should just burn them afterwards so even I can't look back on my own ugliness. 

But through the ugly, brokenness, I can be renewed into something beautiful..... until I stumble again.

Last night, Tim and I were assembling Caleb's new bed that we inherited from Tim's cousin. The holes weren't lining up quite right and we were getting pretty upset with that darn bed. It was really a pain! There was arguing with each other and raised voices. My ugly spirit was revealed again even after I had vowed earlier to be a better wife. 

Tim went to pick up Caleb from Awana and returned with a peace offering:

I'm reminded again of how beauty shines through the ugliness. I don't deserve forgiveness, but Tim was willing to give it as freely as God gives His grace and mercy. One more day has come and gone and yet I'm still a failure in acting Christ-like all the time. I'm humbled by God's grace -- that "he who began a good work in me" would still want to "carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." I stumble, but wipe off the mud and dust my shoes off as He picks me up and sets me back on my feet again.

A season of JOY!

Christmas -- the season of giving. Yes, the time is getting nearer and I have yet to even start shopping.

I was paging through a Shopko ad today and saw a few things that would be nice to have, but I just don't really need anything. I'm completely content with what I have and would rather see the look of joy on the faces of others. That's my favorite part of Christmas -- next to celebrating the birth of our Lord and Savior.

When I asked Caleb what he wanted for Christmas a few weeks ago, he replied with, "nothing." I actually had to give him a few ideas and almost encourage him to be greedy and materialistic. What's wrong with me? If my kid is fine with a few cardboard boxes and a roll of tape, I should be fine with that too. For some reason, the world pulls me in and makes me feel out of place because my child doesn't want the latest toys and gadgets out there. He's content like I am. I guess that's something to be proud of.

I am proud of him. Extremely!

A simple smile on my 5-year old's face says it all when I see him giving his toys to friends without asking for anything in return. Yes, he even gave away one of his most precious toys, a Buzz Lightyear doll. He had two of them and even played with both, but he was willing to part with the smaller one just because he thought his friend might like it. It was so sweet! His generous attitude is something that even I can learn from. 

We are so blessed and have way more than we could ever need. Thank you, Father! I pray that we can have servant hearts during the Christmas season and give with JOY. We have clothes on our backs, beds to sleep in, a house to live in, and plenty of food to eat. There are others that our less fortunate. Let's give to those that really need it.

The season of Joy -- a time to share what's most important with my family -- a time of thanksgiving -- a time of laughter -- a time of LOVE. 

Rejoice!