On sensitive topics....

It's been a while again.... I miss blogging yet I somehow let myself go for weeks without writing. It doesn't make sense. If I like writing so much, why would I wait so long to blog?

Well, there's no shortage of topics. It's just a matter of whether or not I deem myself intelligent enough to argue my points. Some of the topics are a little more sensitive so that's part of it. The other part is that I don't want to get caught up in a game of judgment. I have my thoughts and beliefs on things, but I'm not out to force those on anyone else or put others in difficult positions.

That's my struggle. I care too much about what other people think of me and especially of what opinion people would get of me if I suddenly started to write about my true feelings on gay marriage, abortion, and even more controversial right now: the government. I've done really well at keeping these topics out of my Facebook statuses even though a part of me really would've loved to have a good debate. I just didn't want to give into that temptation because I knew I'd become like a lot of other people I saw on Facebook: spiteful, resentful, hurt.

While there are people out there that don't really care what people think of them when they write about sensitive topics, I'm just too chicken. Maybe I shouldn't care, but I do. Maybe it's God's way of trying to keep the peace. It's an internal struggle I deal with.

If you saw all the blog posts that I've compiled in my head, you'd think I should write a book. There are so many that never even made it to typed writing while others were typed, but never made it to the publishing page.

That's all I've got for now. I know it's not very exciting. Maybe one of these days, I'll venture out and share more. But for now, I'll have to be content with writing a book in my head.

Broken and Shattered

My heart hurts today.... actually I've felt like this for almost a week. I'm just never sure what to write here or if I should bother sharing a part of my heart. My heart has been broken and even shattered to pieces before from relationships and even friendships.

Right now, I just feel like a friend that's waiting on the wayside until I'm "needed" again. I feel like I'm not enough of a friend to be pursued by others. I feel like I initiate the majority of conversations (whether by email, mail, phone, or instant messages). I wonder why I always get stuck as the initiator. Sometimes it's nice to just be pursued instead of acting as the pursuer. So here I am waiting again.

I could very easily just call someone up to chat or plan a play date. For some reason though, I feel like I'm interrupting their day so it doesn't make me too eager to try getting a hold of them any time soon. Either that or I'll call and leave a voice mail that doesn't get returned. I'm stuck in a circle.

I feel pathetic for feeling slighted and disappointed. I just want to curl up on the couch and be a hermit all day. I'm not sure I want to talk to anyone, but at the same time, I want to feel like I matter and that someone cares.

It's ironic that I feel this way when I've been preparing a Bible study on friendship -- the kind that David and Jonathan shared. I pray that these feelings will be lifted soon. I just have to remind myself that Jesus can fulfill my every need. He's always there to pursue me, just waiting at the door until I'm ready to hang out or have a conversation. Oh, what a friend I have in Jesus.

Whew -- now that I got this off my chest, I feel a little better already. Maybe I can break out of the circle today and become a better friend myself. It's a new day.

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A Case of the "Almost" 30's

Today, I went in to see the dentist. I needed a filling. Ugh! I was NOT looking forward to it. So while my mouth was slowly getting number, the dental assistant started chatting with me. She was a very pleasant woman and gave me a very nice compliment, I think.

Dental Assistant: So are you a student?
Me: (contemplating how to break it to her....) I'm actually married with two kids.
Dental Assistant: Oh really? I never would've guessed. How old are your kids?
Me: One is six and..
Dental Assistant: Six! Wow! You don't look like you'd have any that old. How old is the other one?
Me: She's two and half.
Dental Assistant: You look so young.
Me: Well, I guess that'll serve me well when I get older.

Sometimes I can't believe I'm 28 going on 29 in December. How did the time fly by so fast?

Yet, I look in the mirror and I haven't aged too much. That's a good thing, right?

I just don't want to look like I'm too young to be a mom. But... I guess if I'm 50 and look like I'm 40, I'll take that. So in a sense, I've been given a compliment. If I had the choice of having to look older than I am or younger, I'd take younger any day.

So.... next year, I turn the big 3-0. It seems like it's so far away, but it's less than a year and a half from now. Some of my friends are in their 30's already, but they don't seem that "old." It seems impossible for me to approach mine. Again, how did the time fly by so fast?

Meanwhile, the feeling in my mouth/cheek is slowly starting to return. Yeah, it's only been 4.5 hours since they numbed me. haha

Here's to aging gracefully.

Overflowing thoughts...

So much on my mind lately ---

For some reason, I keep getting sucked in to Pinterest. There are so many great ideas out there on how to dress up your home. Instead of appreciating what I have and where I am, why is it that I still want something just a little bit better? I don't like that feeling -- the feeling that I'm being materialistic. When I think back to the time we were house hunting (a year and a half ago), I remember telling Tim that I was content with our apartment. So even if we didn't find a house right away, I knew that everything would work out and I'd be fine living in the apartment for a few years or more if that's what God wanted. Now that I have a house, I find myself "wanting" so much more. Is it because I have more space? Is it because I want to be "like everybody else"? It's probably both of those things along with the pressure from society and things like Facebook and Pinterest. While they're fun to see how everyone is doing, I can't help but feeling a twinge of jealousy at times along with feelings that I'm not good enough or my house isn't good enough. I just have to remind myself that it doesn't matter if I don't have exactly what everyone else does. God has provided what I need and that's "enough" for me.

Moving on -- I've been trying to come up with ideas for a women's study at church. The leaders of our Moments for Moms group aren't able to do it this year in the same capacity as they did last year. One of them has moved out of state so she's not around to help. I've just had it on my heart for the past year to lead a study of some sort. I haven't fully decided who the target group should be -- just young moms - any age of moms - just women in general. It could even be a combo group where we split off into smaller groups depending on how many people come. The idea I have for the study is more topical -- trying to delve into those subjects that we all struggle with. Some of the topics might be more of reminders while others might turn into great revelations. Behind it all, my goal is to bring women together -- to open up to each other and make ourselves a little vulnerable so that we can learn more about each other and build even great bonds. It's kind of like marriage -- when I found Tim, I knew that by sharing my deepest thoughts and feelings, I was more susceptible to a greater hurt if things didn't work out... BUT I also knew that it was possible to find the greatest love that way too. I think this can carry over into friendships with women.

Anyway, my brain feels like it's on overload. I just can't get all my ideas to come together. So I'm just writing down thoughts to hopefully find a way to make sense of it. I've been praying too. Only God knows the names of the women that will make it into this study and He knows what they'll need to hear. I'm just a vessel  being used. I have to get over myself and remember that it's not about me or the success of this study -- it's about glorifying a wonderful God in all that I do.

Well, it's been a raining morning. We just watched three episodes of the Magic School Bus already and I should probably get a few things done. Adios for now.

I'm not good enough...

Sometimes I feel so overwhelmed.

Sometimes I feel like a failure.

I compare myself...

to other women -- moms, wives, friends.

I'm not good enough -- EVER!

Does this sound familiar? It's the story of my life. I'm pretty sure most women can relate. It's just that most of us don't want to admit that our life preservers have a hole in them and we feel like we're sinking. We talk about the good things that are going on in our lives and try to almost brag about all that we can do. It's like a silent competition to see who can do the most without going insane. While we try to be sincerely happy for our friends, we can't help but feel like we're not good enough.

What about those moms that act like Wonder Woman? You know the ones I mean -- they take care of the kids, they cook and clean, they're involved with the PTA, they get together with friends, they're on a sports team, they're part of a Bible study, and they have time for their husbands. From an outside perspective, their lives look so perfect (and overwhelmingly busy!). Those are the women that I tend to hold on a pedestal of sorts where I aim to be even just a fraction of who they are. Those are the women that make me feel like I'm not good enough, not pretty enough, not kind enough, not gracious enough, etc. That's when the chocolate comes out and small indulgences become more of a "must-have" in order to feel better about myself.

Is that really how we should be feeling though? I mean, seriously, as mothers/wives/friends/sisters/daughters -- we have a lot going on. There's not a really good way to compare ourselves fairly. We're all different.

Maybe we just need to change our perspective. Instead of thinking about what we're not doing, we should be thinking about what we are doing and remembering that it's all for the Kingdom. It's not for me or my kids or my husband, my family or my friends. It's all for God. Whoa! And you know what? God thinks you are exquisitely beautiful. You are worth pursuing as a friend and a wife. I mean, God is always there for a cup of coffee and a morning chat. He's there when the kids are fighting... again. He's there with those beautiful flowers growing in your yard (even if they might only be dandelions). He LOVES us. The colorful sunsets and starry nights should show us that God is pursuing us like a Lover. We are worth it -- we are good enough.

So the next time you're thinking that you don't measure up to someone else, get those crazy thoughts out of your mind. That woman is probably going through the same doubts as you. They're all lies though. We are MORE than good enough for God. I'm so thankful that I don't need to do anything special to catch His attention, I already have it. How awesome is that?

Significant Glory

As a Christian, I know that God has great plans for my life. However, I often interpret this as, "I'm going to make this amazingly huge impact on the Christian world." I'm often disappointed by the insignificance of all I do instead of feeling content in knowing that it's all for Jesus.

Yesterday, we were talking about a related topic during ABF. Some of our church members had gone to Belize and so a discussion arose in how one of them didn't feel that God used them to their capacity during the mission trip.

This got me to thinking of how God uses us and how we always want a piece of the big, old glory pie or we just want the whole pie to ourselves. It's so easy to forget that we're being used by God on a daily basis even in those everyday tasks that seem insignificant to us -- saying or waving "hello" to someone in passing, picking up that stray piece of garbage lying by the road, spending time with my kids, writing a short note to a friend. All of those things are seen by God and are being used in ways that we can only imagine.

Now, for a change in attitude. I know that all I do can and is being used by God -- anything big, small, or in-between. And I know that God gets the glory in all of it. I just need to stop being selfish by harboring some of that glory and acknowledge Him in all that I do.


God's truth: Insignificant actions don't exist. Do you know why? It's because even the smallest of tasks in God's world results in more than significant amounts of glory to Him, to Abba. Amen!

Pray for me

I have a confession -- I haven't been very good at getting into the Word every day. I think the last time (other than church) was over a month ago. While I know that's not the end of the world and that God will still love me, I can't help but feeling like I'm letting Him down and letting myself down. I can tell when I haven't been reading. My relationship with my family isn't the same. I'm not as happy of a person and I feel so distant from God.

Yet, it's by God's grace that He brushes me off and puts me back on my feet again. All I need is a chat with Him to put me back in the right direction. Why do I continue to keep putting off that conversation? Is it because I'm afraid of facing Him? I have all sorts of excuses for not reading -- no time, just not in the mood, I'd rather do something else, I forgot, I got distracted, I really meant to..... They sound pretty weak to me. I can only imagine what God is thinking.

Today, I could definitely tell that I've been a little too slack with reading my Bible. It's when I let space get between myself and God that I feel more alone, depressed, not good enough, and out of the loop. I was questioning a few friendships and whether or not I was just imagining them or if they were real. I've felt like maybe I've been trying too hard and now they're distancing themselves from me. I'm probably just imagining things. I've always been a little paranoid that people hate me for some reason. (Maybe "hate" is too strong of a word, but that's what I get in my head). I guess that's what happens when you have a childhood of being shy and the other kids always teasing you or talking behind your back.

I need to be praying for Tim and the kids more often too. I can tell because we've been arguing more with each other. The kids just aren't listening as well and Caleb is just talking back so much lately.

If you read this, please pray for me -- pray for endurance and patience, pray for peace, pray that I find more time with Lord throughout the day... that I make Him a priority. Thank you!

Well, I better go -- I'm hearing yelling and thumping again. I can only imagine what that might mean.

A Michelle Day

I had desperately been needing a day all to myself. Sometimes you just have to do it no matter how much you might love your family.

So when the April work weekend for Camp Grow came up, I decided to go alone. It'd be easier without the kids under foot anyway and I really needed some personal Michelle time. After my date with Tim on Friday night, I decided to just drive to camp already instead of trying to get up really early the next morning to do it since I'm a far cry from a morning person. The two hour drive there was peaceful and quiet. It gave me a lot of time to think and pray. I haven't felt that close to God in a while. Prayer time at home is often interrupted -- I usually need to write my prayers out or even just say them out loud.

Well, I prayed and sang for a good hour. My already fading voice got even more raspy, but it was worth it. God always knows what we need.

The last few miles to camp required a little more focus as all the nightlife was out and about. Some of the animals almost seemed to be waiting for me to come along. I hit a raccoon. He was asking for it while hiding in the shadows while I was paying more attention to his brother running off into the field. The deer were playing chicken in the road. I'm so glad I grew up in deer country or I might not have slowed down in the areas where I would've normally wanted to cruise.

By the time I got to camp, my head was throbbing -- I had hoped my migraine would be gone by now. It was 11 o'clock at night and no one seemed to be in the lodge and didn't want to wake anyone up by the director's house so I just went to bed. An hour later, I woke up to sounds of fire crackers and then the camp's golf cart. I just sat there listening as footsteps pounded down the hall and door creaked open and shut. My migraine was completely gone -- a small miracle in my eyes.

The next day, I woke up before my alarm. Instead of just lying in bed and thinking about falling back to sleep, I actually got up right away. I was ready for a day of hard work. It was nice to feel productive in a way that wasn't directly benefiting me. Cleaning up all the old shingles from a roofing project was way more satisfying that picking up the kids' toys only to know that they'd be strewn across the floor again in a matter of hours. While I prayed the night before, I asked God to just give me a servant's heart for the work weekend. I was fairly certain that I would be one of the only girls and was having a hard time coping with the fact that I might be stuck doing kitchen duty -- cleaning, making meals, doing dishes, etc.

God was faithful -- Even though I was the only girl until noon on Saturday, I was able to help outside and get my hands dirty. It was definitely what I needed. I only wish that I could've stayed longer to do more. Everywhere I looked, it seemed like something else needed to be done. I guess I've missed camp even more than I thought. It's like one of my homes away from home. Now I wish I hadn't let so many years go by before I went back, but that's another story. 

The Harvest is Plenty

A few weeks ago, my mentor said that she had been reading about the parable of the sower. I never really dug deep into that passage before so it was quite an eye-opener to try and think about which type of believer I am. The first type of soil represents one who hears God's Word, but doesn't believe and is not saved, but the other three types of soil signify believers that are in different walks of their faith. One hears God's Word and is excited at first, but nothing takes root and they fall away during times of testing. Another hears God's Word, but they are distracted by the things of this world and just never mature in their walk with Christ. The last soil is the good stuff -- the type that I pray I am planted in. I want to grow and learn and produce a crop. Sometimes I think that I'm living up to that expectation of bearing fruit by ministering to other people and sharing God's Word.


But... then I'm reminded that my children learn by my example and I still have an important role in teaching them as well as the kids in our Sunday School class. I have to help with planting and make sure the rocks are thrown aside, the weeds are pulled, and that these kids will eventually yield a bumper crop of new believers.

^{Luke 8: 4-15}

⁴ While a large crowd was gathering and people were coming to Jesus from town after town, he told this parable: ⁵ “A farmer went out to sow his seed. As he was scattering the seed, some fell along the path; it was trampled on, and the birds ate it up. ⁶ Some fell on rocky ground, and when it came up, the plants withered because they had no moisture. ⁷Other seed fell among thorns, which grew up with it and choked the plants. ⁸ Still other seed fell on good soil. It came up and yielded a crop, a hundred times more than was sown.”

   When he said this, he called out, “Whoever has ears to hear, let them hear.”

 ⁹ His disciples asked him what this parable meant. ¹⁰ He said, “The knowledge of the secrets of the kingdom of God has been given to you, but to others I speak in parables, so that,

   “‘though seeing, they may not see;
   though hearing, they may not understand.’

   ¹¹ “This is the meaning of the parable: The seed is the word of God. ¹² Those along the path are the ones who hear, and then the devil comes and takes away the word from their hearts, so that they may not believe and be saved. ¹³ Those on the rocky ground are the ones who receive the word with joy when they hear it, but they have no root. They believe for a while, but in the time of testing they fall away. ¹⁴ The seed that fell among thorns stands for those who hear, but as they go on their way they are choked by life’s worries, riches and pleasures, and they do not mature. ¹⁵ But the seed on good soil stands for those with a noble and good heart, who hear the word, retain it, and by persevering produce a crop.


After reading the passage above, I pray that you find yourself  longing to be planted in the rich soil -- longing to bear fruit and to stand strong in your convictions -- that you don't just give in to the ways of the world when times get tough -- and that you take root in God's Word. The harvest is plenty, but the workers are few. 

If Only

For those of you that have "If Only" days......

If only I was smarter.
If only I was prettier.
If only I had that hair.

If only I had a bigger vehicle.
If only I had that contraption for the kitchen.
If only I had that laptop.
If only I had that bedroom set.
If only my house was a bit bigger.
If only I had that talent.
If only I had more money.


If only I didn't feel so tired.
If only I cleaned more often.
If only I called that friend.
If only I didn't waste so much time.


If only I knew God's word better.
If only I was more generous.
If only I was more forgiving.
If only I was a better parent.

If only .....


-- The list could go on. I just thought it was good to get all of these "if only's" out of my system. It was funny that I wrote the list yesterday afternoon and then last night, we talked about contentment in our mom's group. How can we teach contentment to our children if we're not content ourselves? God has blessed our family with so much yet the world around us demands that we mold ourselves into our neighbor and want what they have.

I often think I'm content at least when it comes to most material items -- I'm really good at window shopping, but have a hard time parting with money if it's something that I absolutely do not need and can live without. Today, for instance, I was in a thrift store and saw some plain pink sheets that would work for Sonya's bed. They were only $3. I could've bought them, but then I thought to myself that we have plenty of twin sized sheets at home. Most of them are green or have trucks on them, but they fit and no one really sees them anyway. Besides, Sonya might graduate to a queen sized bed at some point so that we can use her room as a guest room sometimes too. Then we'd have no use for the pink sheets anymore.

On the opposite side of the spectrum, I have to admit that I desire what others have sometimes (as you can read from my list above). Even though I don't go out on a spending spree, the discontent is still in my heart. I told the girls last night that I've been wanting a van, but both of our cars are in working order and we only have two kids at home so we don't really need a van right now. It was especially hard for me to turn down the offer of a van from Tim's parents this past weekend -- they are selling theirs for a family discounted price. But, the timing wasn't right for us so said "no."

Anyway, all I know is that sometimes we feel like we're lacking in something. The truth is that God accepts us exactly the way we are. He knows us better than we know ourselves and He blesses us in ways that are both visible and invisible. So when I'm going through my "if only" phase, I remind myself of these truths. For the areas that aren't as tangible, I my work cut out for me, but that doesn't mean I'm a terrible person, a terrible friend, or a terrible parent. I just have to rely more on God to work through me and He will satisfy me in all ways of contentment.

Hope Sunday and Child Sponsorship

This past Saturday and Sunday, I had the opportunity to present child sponsorship for World Vision at my home church. God had really been putting it on my heart to speak out for children around the world that are in need of a sponsor. Child sponsorship is one way to give them the HOPE you find in Hope Sunday. Throughout the preparations for my presentation and "5 minutes of fame," God stretched me and grew me in ways that only He can do. I'm grateful for this experience of going outside of my comfort zone and hope you'll read my story below:


My Story ....
Hi, I'm Michelle Nikolai -- mother of Caleb & Sonya and a wife to my husband, Tim. I hope that my story will inspire you to get involved with child sponsorship or another program that has touched your heart.

About two and a half years ago, Tim and I decided to sponsor Henry.

Henry Yordan Mellado Avalos
Age 5

Henry is a 5 year old boy from Guatemala that loves to play with cars and color. His favorite color is green. He also likes soccer. We've been learning more about Henry as we exchange letters, photos, and drawings from him.

Recently, he wrote that he is thankful for the card and picture we sent and that he will take care of it. I got teary eyed just knowing how much that meant to him.

Age 2

We also sponsor a sweet little girl named Lisbeth. She's the same age as our daughter -- they share the same birthday too! We just started sponsoring her a little over a month ago so all we know is that she is from Guatemala and likes to play with dolls. We can't wait to learn more about her as her family corresponds with us.

Why we felt called to become a sponsor:

Our family decided to do child sponsorship because it was a way to make a difference not only on an international level, but a personal level as well. 

Tim and I have volunteered for World Vision in the past and learned more about the struggles of these children and families in need. We saw sponsoring a child as a way to share our blessings with them and also as a good teaching and learning opportunity for our family.

How has sponsoring a child affected me?:
Sponsoring both Henry and Lisbeth has made me much more thankful for everything that we do have and I've noticed that I'm not as stingy with giving anymore. I’m constantly learning that it’s not about me or even about World Vision. It’s about serving God and glorifying Him through these children and by being the answer to their prayers.

What does sponsorship do for a child and their community?: World Vision sends us updates every year on on how Henry and his community have benefited from our sponsorship. Henry has received school supplies, routine check-ups, and vaccines. His school received desks and medicine for their first aid kit. They were also able to have a Vacation Bible School for the kids and a teen leadership program.

These are just a handful of ways that World Vision works in communities around the world.

For only $35 per month, we’re able to give a child and their community HOPE for a better today and a better tomorrow. That might mean not eating out as often or just saying “no” to that new gadget or those new shoes.

Jesus said:
“Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.” (Matthew 25: 40) How awesome is it to know that WE serve Christ by serving others?

I really encourage all of you to prayerfully consider sponsoring a child. These children and families need so little and we have so much to give. Think of the children. Think of their future. Think HOPE.

A child is waiting for you here.

A letter from Henry

Chicken with Peach Glaze

This is one of my favorite recipes and it's really not as difficult to make as the recipe might appear from a first glance. If you like orange chicken, this is even better. I promise!

Chicken with Peach Glaze* 

Serves 4  -- 3 ounces chicken and 1/2 cup peach topping per serving

Photo from 47 Healthy Soul Food Recipes Cookbook

1     15-oz can peaches in fruit juice
1/4  cup fresh orange juice
1/2  tbsp. cornstarch
1/3  cup all-fruit peach spread
1     tsp. grated orange zest
4     boneless, skinless chicken breast halves
      (about 4 oz each), all visible fat discarded
1/4  cup all-purpose flour
1     tbsp. snipped fresh parsley
1/4  tsp. garlic powder
1/8  tsp. paprika
1/8  tsp. salt
2     tsp. olive oil



Drain the peaches, reserving 1/4 cup juice. Set the peaches aside and pour the juice into a small bowl. Add the orange juice and cornstarch to the peach juice, whisking until the cornstarch is dissolved. Whisk in the jam and orange zest. Set aside.

Put a chicken breast half with the smooth side up between two pieces of wax paper or plastic wrap. using the smooth side of a meat mallet or a heave pan, lightly flatten the breast to a thickness of about 1/4 inch, being careful not to tear the meat. Repeat with the remaining chicken.

In a small bowl, stir together the flour, parsley, garlic powder, paprika, and salt. Sprinkle over both sides of the chicken. Using your fingertips, gently press the mixture so it adheres to the chicken.

In a large nonstick skillet, heat the oil over medium-high heat, swirling to coat the bottom. Cook the chicken for 4 minutes on each side, or until no longer pink in the center. Remove the skillet from the heat, reducing the heat to medium low. Transfer the chicken to a plate. Set aside.

Immediately pour the reserved peach juice mixture into the skillet. Cook for 1 to 2 minutes, or until thickened, stirring constantly. Add the reserved peaches, stirring until combined. Return the chicken to the skillet. Spoon the peach sauce and peaches over the chicken. Heat for 3 to 5 minutes, or until the chicken and peaches are heated through.

Per serving: Calories 320, Total Fat 4.0 g, Saturated Fat 0.5 g, Trans Fat 0.0 g, Polyunsaturated Fat 0.5 g, Monounsaturated Fat 2.0 g, Cholesterol 66 mg, Sodium 164 mg, Carbohydrates 42 g, Fiber 1 g, Sugars 28 g, Protein 27 g
Dietary Exchanges: 1 fruit, 2 other carbohydrate, 3 very lean meant

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Note: It does take a little bit of time to make so I try to flatten the chicken ahead of time as well as prep the peach glaze so the rest of the steps go quickly when it's time to make it. Also, you can substitute cumin + chili powder if you don't have paprika and I use canola oil instead of olive oil.

*This recipe was taken from 47 Healthy Soul Food Recipes

A review of resolutions

At the beginning of the year, I had three main resolutions. Let's see how I'm doing!

1) Spend more time with my kids and family. I like to think that I've been doing alright with this. I kind of go back and forth between spending quality time with them and wanting just some quiet time by myself. The other night though, all four of us play a revised version of Monopoly together. It was a lot of fun and I really enjoyed the laughter we shared together. 

2) Spend more time with God. I've become a little more excited about God again while I've been preparing for my Hope Sunday presentation. I just see God at work so much and can't help, but feel close to Him. I still need to work on my goal of reading daily from the Bible. With teaching Sunday School, I for sure do this once a week, but I need consistency. 

3) Take care of myself and grow academically.  I haven't been so good about eating healthy and avoiding sweets. There were a few weeks in there where I was sick and lethargic and just didn't want to eat anything -- including chocolate. So I wasn't really working out either. Today, I finally busted out the Tae Bo YouTube video and did a short 8 minute cardio workout. It felt good. I might have to do some more after I'm done with this post. Now, I just have to start curbing my sweet tooth because with our anniversary, Sonya's birthday treats and Valentine's Day, I'm afraid I haven't had much self control. I've been trying to chew gum every time I want to snag a piece of candy, but I can only chew so much before it aggravates my TMJ. As for growing academically -- I'm still tutoring the little girl in Caleb's class so that forces me to review Spanish terms. I also found a site to do a free online Spanish class so I started that last week. Since there's no grades or anything, I have to motivate myself to just do it a few times a week.


Well, there you have it. If I could just get myself back on a schedule of sorts, I'm sure I can conquer all of these by the end of the year. The things that really throw my schedule off though are holidays and vacations. Here's to pressing on! 


How are you doing on your resolutions this year?

Bedroom Set

We stopped at a furniture store during our date the other day. I've never had a matching bedroom set let alone a head board and foot board. This is just a scanned photo so the quality isn't that great, but I think I'm in love. For now, I'm content with our mismatching bedroom furniture, but who says a girl can't dream a little? :-)

Five pounds of gunk....

Today, I'm finally feeling better -- not quite 100%, but getting there. The five pounds of gunk that I felt in my chest is almost gone. Thank goodness! It seriously felt like there was a weight pushing down on my lungs so I couldn't get enough oxygen.

You're going to laugh, but today.... I put a bra on for the first time in two weeks. It's the little things that you take for granted. Well, I can't say that wearing a bra is normally comfortable in all other circumstances, but for the record, it does make me feel more like a woman.

Anyway, I'm so thankful that I'm on the road to recovery because I've been looking forward to a weekend "away" with my husband. It's our anniversary tomorrow. I can't believe it's been 4 years already. Sometimes it seems longer -- in a good way of course. I'm excited to just spend time alone with my husband. It's been two years since we had our last overnight date. So it's long overdue. We've had our date nights, but they just don't compare to spending a whole day and night without kids. I'm not exactly sure what the plan is since it was supposed to be a surprise. All I know is that the kids are going by my parents where my sister will also be helping watch the kids and we're going to a B&B in Mayville.

For a second there, I was going to write a tribute to Tim. Then I noticed the title of this post and figured it might not be appropriate to lump Tim in with five pounds of gunk. haha...  Well, in case I don't get to that post until a later date, I appreciate Tim with all my heart. I really don't know what I would've done if I hadn't met him. He makes me laugh, he's a hard worker, and he is a man of God. I couldn't have asked for a better husband. Love you!!

God's Design for Marriage

I've been LOVING this study since we started this fall. We've covered a lot of different topics and used quite a few different resources -- Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage, Love & Respect, Sacred Marriage, The 5 Love Languages, and more. I've learned so much from the group of women that I've been meeting with and cannot even put into words how much they have blessed me.

This last study was based on the book "Sacred Marriage." Did God create marriage to make us holy or to make us happy? That's the basic question. I had actually started reading this book last year and have two posts that I wrote about it, so I might be repeating myself as I haven't had time to go back and reread through them again. Anyway, I came across a revelation yesterday. God created man and He also created marriage so it only makes sense that if it came from God, it's a way to bring glory to Him. So through marriage, we should ultimately become more holy.

I was thinking about how marriage really brings us closer to God -- well, that is if you believe His teachings on unconditional love, respect, and forgiveness. Those three things will make or break a marriage. We're not all going to have those fuzzy, happy feelings for our spouse. How many of you can say that I've been happy every single moment of my marriage? If you raised your hand, I hate to break it to you, but you're probably dreaming or you're just sitting on a landmine. Happiness is definitely something that God can bring. I believe that wholeheartedly. Back to the question though.... was that the reason that God created marriage? I don't believe so.

In the "Love Dare" book, it talks about the Father, Son, and the Holy Spirit living in communion of each other as one. God created marriage as a way for a man and woman to experience a kind of holiness that only becoming "one flesh" can do. As a married woman, I can say that I've prayed more as a wife and mother than I ever did when I was single. Marriage shows a lot more of your flaws and sinful nature. It makes it more difficult to have that unconditional love, respect, and forgiveness for each other (probably because we have to give more of it! haha!). Without God being a part of my marriage, I don't know if I'd be as happy as I am today. I've been so blessed with a wonderful husband and a beautiful family.

I'm probably rambling so I apologize. Sometimes my thoughts just get so jumbled and I need to get them out on paper before I forget them. Overall, I just want to express that the marriage study that we're doing is something that all women (even men) should do. It'll enrich your relationships -- not only with just your spouse, but with your children, other relatives, and friends. I've grown closer to the women in my smaller prayer group and appreciate the prayers that we share with each other. The stories they tell are encouraging and so is being surrounded by a group of Godly women.

Being sick is NO fun!

I hate being sick. I know... throw a pity party and get over it. I've felt so pathetic and tired lately. I get winded just going up and down our stairs to the basement. I've been sitting on the couch and resting a LOT. I kind of felt like I was being a bad mom when I just let Sonya watch TV and play by herself the past few days while I didn't get anything done around the house. Poor Tim was left to deal with the kids on Monday night when I felt the worst. Then I found out that he wasn't feeling the greatest either -- this was after he had cleaned up a few things and let me take a short nap after dinner. Granted, I think I was in worse shape with my coughing and shortness of breath, but he was still a saint or a knight in shining armor to me. I love that guy. :-)

While I was sitting around yesterday, feeling kind of bummed about being sick and not taking care of things very well, I got a phone call from a friend who was selling Girl Scout cookies for her daughter. She reminded me that I'm still a good mom and that it's ok to take it easy and rest so I can get better. It doesn't really help my family if I don't get better. Anyway, I really appreciated her saying that. I definitely needed it!

I remember the days when I was working. I rarely took a sick day. I'd wait until I was about run into the ground and could barely walk when I'd finally give in and go to a doctor. Even then, I only took one day off instead of the two or three that I really needed to recuperate with. I was insane. Who else would go to work with pneumonia or bronchitis on top of a sinus infection and ear infection? Yeah... that was me. I thought I was superwoman. But really, I wasn't doing anyone a favor. I'm getting wiser in my "older" age and have learned that I can't do it all.

Even though my lungs were still feeling tight today, I ventured out in the snow with the kids to go to my marriage study this morning. I should mention that I did go to the doctor yesterday morning and I just have a virus so they didn't put me on an antibiotic, unfortunately. At least I'm on prednisone though, a steroid to help with the inflammation of my lungs so hopefully in addition with my inhalers, I might be able to breathe better in the next few days. Anyway, Caleb had a day off from school so the next kindergarten class could do orientation today. I figured if I was just sitting in a chair at the study and someone else was watching my kids, it was probably about the same as if I would've stayed home and sat on the couch while we watched TV or something -- which I ended up doing after lunch by the way. The study was definitely worth going to. I'll probably try and post about it in another blog entry. Maybe tomorrow.

Gotta go and bathe the kids. Sonya spilled milk all over her hair and face this afternoon. It was pretty funny, but she wasn't too happy about that. Oops! I'm sure Caleb was sweaty last night while at wrestling practice. Ugh... baths are definitely overdue. Tim did some shoveling earlier and is out doing some grocery shopping for me so I think having to do dishes and bathe kids isn't too bad. :-) Adios for now.

Organization and Meal Planning

I am the worst at planning out my meals ahead of time. Unless I throw something in the crock-pot at noon, I'm usually scrounging up ingredients to try and make something tasty for supper. Our Hamilton Beach has been a lifesaver -- it's comparable to a George Foreman grill -- you know, the type with the clam shell. Just throw some meat on there with a few seasonings and then let it go for 10 minutes or less. It's wonderful, but I've been getting bored with the same old stuff. I want to be better at creating a list and just being organized in general.

So -- I found a cool article in my Good Housekeeping magazine. It gave some hints on how to create a Household Binder. I've been organizing school calendars, phone numbers, fun stuff to do in the area, etc to put in this binder so it's nice and handy and easy to find all the information without having to run to the computer to check on library hours for the twentieth time or scramble to find the emergency closing phone numbers for school. I even decided to throw in a chart with my menu for the week along with the recipes right away. The menu chart has a section for listing groceries by category too! It's exactly what I need.

Along the same lines with menus, recipes, and grocery lists..... I found an amazing site that has helped me kick it in gear. http://eatathomecooks.com. While I might not use the weekly lists all the time, it gave me a few great recipes and just ideas on how to plan for the week. So far, I've tried the Crockpot Teriyaki Chicken and the Chicken Enchiladas. My favorite part is that they don't require many ingredients so I'm not overwhelmed by the recipe. The two chicken recipes were really delicious and simple. I'd definitely recommend using them. Tonight, we'll try the Baked Spaghetti and tomorrow will be Cheesy Chicken and Rice Casserole with leftovers on Wednesday night. If you're interested in those specific recipes, I got them from here: http://eatathomecooks.com/2009/08/menu-complete-grocery-list-recipes-week-5.html (Just click on the download menu link on that page).

I'm hoping to keep up with the meal planning because it seriously leaves me less stressed during the day just to know exactly what I'm going to make for dinner. Our church likes to make meals for people that have just had babies, experienced a loss, or had surgery. While I think it's great to serve those people and my heart really wants to do something, I've always been so overwhelmed by just trying to figure out what I could make for a meal. Maybe this will help me in that area of service as well so I can be a more willing volunteer.

Well, I'm getting long winded again. Hopefully some of these ideas are helpful to other people. Adios for now

2012 and Resolutions....

Gosh... I'm so bad at writing personal stuff here. I tend to let all of that settle in my head and never make it to "paper." I think part of me just doesn't want this to be a place where I end up venting or complaining. I read in a devotional that if you have something negative to say about someone, you should tell them in person instead of in writing because once it's written down, it's so easy to read over and over again. In that same way, I don't want my negative thoughts to follow me around. I desperately want to be positive and see the best in everyone and everything. I want to forgive easily -- especially if I'm in need of forgiving myself so I can move on.

My life isn't all lollipops and rainbows even though the family blog may show all the fun times we have together. I love to remember the happy times! :-)

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Everyone seems to want a fresh start at the beginning of a new year. Resolutions dance through my head. What do I really want to do? I remember making a list of things a few months ago. I'm almost afraid to look at it and see how few of those items I can actually check off. I'd rather start over and make a new list. It's easier somehow. There are so many organizational things I want to get done -- that's probably on everyone's list, right? But, that's not my main focus for goals this year. Instead, I've shortened my list to the top three most important "goals" that I'd like to accomplish.

2012 Resolution:
1) Spend more time with my kids and family. There are too many times when they're in the same room as I am, but I'm not interacting with them. Instead, I'm reading a book or typing on the computer. Right now, everyone else is upstairs reading books. I wish I felt better about dropping everything to just be silly with Sonya during the day and spend more than a few minutes here and there playing with her or reading her books or take the time to do fun activities and wrestle with Caleb. *sigh* I'd just like to be a better mom in general.

2) Spend more time with God. For some reason, I fell off the God train. I don't feel as close as I did to him at the beginning of the school year when we started teaching Sunday school. I'm not as diligent in reading the Bible every day. I feel guilty when I remember that I haven't spent time in the Word -- but I push those feelings aside and pretend that I didn't hear that little voice in my head. I deliberately ignore God. How awful is that? So I'm striving to make God the #1 priority in my life. He's at the top of my "To Do" list right now. Hopefully I can pick myself back up and restore that relationship again.

3) Take care of myself and grow academically.  I've been letting myself go a little. I think I can still eat whatever I want and it's not going to affect me physically. Well, after Christmas, it really hit me. Those cookies and candies went straight to my hips. I just bought several pairs of jeans last year and they're kind of tight right now. I'm not going to lie. It makes me sad that I haven't been trying to take care of myself and exercise a little. So that's something I need to work on. I also need to find something that challenges me and work on it. It could be learning to sew better or writing in Spanish once a day to retain my vocabulary. I just need to do it for me.

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Those are the big ones. I figure if I listed everything, I wouldn't end up accomplishing half of my list. So yeah,  life is not all sunshine and roses, but if I didn't have something to work at, I wouldn't be "normal." Best wishes to all of you that have made resolutions this year.