She's so vain

Sometimes, I look in the mirror and am just not happy with what I see. My face is breaking out again, the red blotches dotted on my arms and legs linger like angry mosquito bites, there are dark circles under my eyes, and the list could go on. Why is it that we, as women, have to be so critical of ourselves? Despite how I look, my husband is always supportive and tries to reassure me that I'm indeed beautiful. Does he see something that I don't?

I think part of the problem is that we're constantly comparing ourselves to each other -- clothes that we wear, lifestyles we lead, cars and houses, significant others, the behavior of our kids, our spirituality, our cooking ability, etc. Where does it end? We always want just a little bit more. Yet, then we go through seasons of complete contentment before the cycle starts all over again.

I'm guilty and a little embarrassed by the fact that sometimes I don't feel "good enough." Maybe it's my problem of perfectionism. I want to be the best at everything. I try so hard not to act vain, but sometimes when I'm looking in the mirror, I think to myself that maybe I am vain in a sense. Maybe we all are....

When I spend a little extra time to put on some make-up, put on a nice outfit, and actually have time to do my hair, I feel pretty. And I feel confident in a pair of hoop earrings and some heels. Is it so wrong to actually feel beautiful sometimes? It's one thing to be told that we're cute, or "hot", or beautiful, but it's another to actually feel like we are. I want to go out on a limb and predict that all women feel like this periodically. I just don't want my kids growing up thinking that their appearance means everything in the world to their friends and family. It doesn't at all. I pray that I can be more comfortable in my own skin without feeling like I need to look or act like someone else -- I just need to be me again.

Running - A chore or a pleasure?

I didn't think to add running to my list, but it's been something that I've been wanting to do more often. When I first ran earlier in the summer, I was only able to make it 3/4 of a mile and I was completely spent. I don't know if my breathing was off or what, but I didn't have the same sort of satisfaction that I had last night.

Since the weather was absolutely perfect -- nice and cool, I felt motivated to take a run. So I changed into some running clothes and got my shoes on before I changed my mind. If I'm in running mode, I just have to go otherwise I'll procrastinate and never get around to doing it. Well, I did a few warm-up stretches -- lunges, the grapevine, high knees, etc... then did a brisk walk around the block. Then, I ran. My beginning pace was a little too fast. There was no way I'd be able to keep that up if I wanted to get up to a mile. Once I had my breathing figured out, the run was quite enjoyable. It was the first time in a while where my lungs didn't feel like they were burning and my side wasn't aching.

I just kept winding around the streets near our house, not sure how far I'd make it and didn't want to be too far from home if for some reason I had to just walk back. I started at the corner of W. Theis and Benjamin and went north on Benjamin until I hit Beutel. Then I proceeded to go west on Beutel all the way until Holden. I headed back towards TJ and just kept on going until Whitefish. Then I took a left onto Webster, a right on Monroe, and ran back up to Benjamin where I sprinted the last stretch on James back to the house. I felt good. It took me a little bit to catch my breath so I walked around a bit and did a cool down.

After I got inside, I immediately went to the computer to check how far I went. I was amazed that it was 1.5 miles and couldn't believe that I did it!! I was aiming to do just a little over a mile and surpassed my individual goal. When I left the house, it was around 8:15 -- I had walked past Lincoln on W. Theis as my warm-up, but then didn't check my watch to see what time it was when I actually started running. Then I got home around 8:33. I don't have a digital watch and didn't have my phone with me to use the stopwatch so I was guesstimating on the times (plus it was dark out). I'm thinking I averaged a 9 minute mile.

Considering I only ran one other time this summer and haven't run more than 1/2 a mile since college, I was very happy with myself. Even though I was the only one running, I felt like I won the race. :-) I realized that I'm capable of ANYTHING! I just have to go out there and do it.

Today, I'm a little sore. I could actually feel it last night already, but I'm not going to complain. It's the kind of soreness that just feels good. Now the question is: When will Michelle run next and how far will she go?

Bucket List....

I want to do everything. I have way too many interests. I figure if I type them all up while I'm thinking of them, that might help my ADD type thoughts from overwhelming me.

Keep up with my Spanish
Learn Italian
Take a dance class
Finish my sunflower painting
Become an ambassador for World Vision
Adopt a nursing home resident
Play a sport
Start a Bible Study
Teach kids how to create origami boxes
Bake more (for others)
Write encouraging notes for friends (and others)
Spend more time with the kids
Travel - to CO or FL
Read everything by Nicholas Sparks and Alexander McCall Smith

I was reading in the paper the other day about three girls that created a summer bucket list. I thought that'd be fun to do with friends. It was just stuff that they wanted to accomplish during the summer - some practical stuff along with some goofy things too! Maybe the list above could be my "bucket list." Although, I don't know what kind of deadline I should give myself. All of these things could easily be accomplished if I just put my mind to it.