No wonder we're lonely

I struggle so much with technology. It's supposed to help us stay better connected, right? I think in some ways, technology serves that purpose. But, there are just so many forms of communication out there right now that I feel like that even though communication is more frequent, the content is so surface-based. Relationships are becoming more hollow and less genuine.

I almost never know the best way to contact someone because there are so many forms of communication.

One friend prefers texting

Another prefers hearing my beautiful voice on the phone

Others are easier to contact via Facebook posts or private messages

Then there's email - (Which email address should I send it to?)

Maybe I should send them an instant message through gmail, yahoo, AOL, hotmail, etc..

Oh yeah... they have a blog too!

It's like I'm being stretched across all forms of communication just so I can stay in touch with people. Instead of making me feel more connected, I'm feeling disconnected. No wonder I feel lonely despite communication being at my fingertips.

I yearn for real relationships -- ones that aren't hidden behind the faces of technology. Thankful that God sustains me through the few friendships that I have. I just need to stop dwelling on the other relationships that haven't come to fruition.

Peace and Contentment

People have been praying for me. I can tell. God has given me an overwhelming sense of peace and contentment right now. I don't feel worried about the things that had me feeling anxious before.

On a normal day, I'm a chronic worrier and I want to solve the world's problems. I worry about my family and my friends thinking that if I worry enough for them, they won't have to. I guess I try to take it all on myself instead of letting God just take it all instead. But when I do that, I'm doing no one a favor and I'm definitely not trusting the Lord when I should be.

Leading up to this past weekend, I wanted to really be a blessing to Tim's family as they are going through some trials right now. Mostly, I just wanted to bring a meal and some other goodies so they wouldn't have to worry about cooking as much. I was trying to be strong for them even though I was also feeling sad about the situation. Instead of dealing with my feelings though, I just hid them behind a smile and laughter. I attempted to be upbeat and positive. While it was probably what they all needed, it was exhausting in some respects.

Yesterday though, at a time when I most needed it, I felt at peace about it all. God was in control again and all was well in the world. Well, I should say that the trials are still there with Tim's family. I'm just realizing again how our time on earth is but a wave tossed in the ocean. So the weight of the world is no longer on my shoulders, it's on the shoulders of my heavenly Father.

To my friends - thank you so much for your prayers.

Feeling Distant...

I've been feeling anti-social and also feeling distant from God lately. I'm sure the two are related.

There's an anger just burning in my heart, weighing me down. It stems from the anger I feel at the world and all of its materialistic ways. It stems from the injustice I see around me. It stems from having to stay put when I want to know the answers and I want to just fly.

This anger is consuming me, yet it comes and goes. My fuse is so short as my kids and husband can readily agree. I hate how I feel after yelling. I just hate feeling like this in general. I'm not a good mom. I'm not a good wife. And I'm certainly not acting like a child of God.

What do I do next? I'm not sure. I try to pray the best I can, but God continues to get my leftovers. I honestly just don't want to make time for Him right now. My head keeps playing games with me while my heart yearns to reconnect with my Abba. I know I need to find Him again and I know I don't even have to look that far. He's right there.

Why do I doubt? Why do I let the ways of the world get the better of me and let this anger creep into my heart? I'm supposed to be a Christian. I'm supposed to know that God has it all under control. He has a plan for all of this. The waiting makes me weary though.

Sometimes, I try to describe these thoughts out loud to other people, but I wonder if they truly understand. It's so hard to pour out my heart. It's hard to just be vulnerable. So here I am... just laying it all out there on the table. This is me right now. Real and raw.