I keep wanting to write and don't know where to start. By the time I think of it, I have already run out of time to finish. So it just sits there -- kind of like the archives, getting dustier with age. The cobwebs increase and the cockroaches run to hide in the corners. Termites eat away at my wooden desk. It's how I imagine it right now. Since this is free writing, there's no turning back to delete my thoughts. This is going to get published... today. So I just sit here at my desk waiting for the right thing to write about.
The other day, I was going to write about magnetic personalities and how I wished I had one. Then I started feeling all negative about myself. It wasn't a good place for me to be. I'm always wishing I could change myself and maybe be a little more popular. I want people to feel drawn to me -- either just to talk, to get advice, to ask favors, to do nice things for me without even being asked. One of my gifts is that of encouragement. In college, I would constantly be sending out little cards to people that were having a rough day and just knowing I could bring a smile to our face was heart-warming. It's tough to be encouraging all the time especially when I'm feeling discouraged or not encouraged myself. I'm probably confusing you a bit. It's not an easy concept to wrap my head around either. I like being around people, but don't like having to be the one to always do the calling and the inviting. Sometimes I just feel alone in that area.
Ok... I just deleted a line so there goes my free writing. Well, I better get the kids to bed. It's already a little late. Tim is at softball right now so hopefully he goes the night without getting injured again. I wish I had more time to write, but after I tuck the kids in, I might go and play the guitar or read... I've been reading a book from my sister-in-law. It's about the life of Saul/Paul by Beth Moore. (I can't remember the exact title). Anyway, it's a good read and is making me really think about what it was like to live in Jesus' time.
Over and out...
-Michelle
