I keep wanting to write and don't know where to start. By the time I think of it, I have already run out of time to finish. So it just sits there -- kind of like the archives, getting dustier with age. The cobwebs increase and the cockroaches run to hide in the corners. Termites eat away at my wooden desk. It's how I imagine it right now. Since this is free writing, there's no turning back to delete my thoughts. This is going to get published... today. So I just sit here at my desk waiting for the right thing to write about.
The other day, I was going to write about magnetic personalities and how I wished I had one. Then I started feeling all negative about myself. It wasn't a good place for me to be. I'm always wishing I could change myself and maybe be a little more popular. I want people to feel drawn to me -- either just to talk, to get advice, to ask favors, to do nice things for me without even being asked. One of my gifts is that of encouragement. In college, I would constantly be sending out little cards to people that were having a rough day and just knowing I could bring a smile to our face was heart-warming. It's tough to be encouraging all the time especially when I'm feeling discouraged or not encouraged myself. I'm probably confusing you a bit. It's not an easy concept to wrap my head around either. I like being around people, but don't like having to be the one to always do the calling and the inviting. Sometimes I just feel alone in that area.
Ok... I just deleted a line so there goes my free writing. Well, I better get the kids to bed. It's already a little late. Tim is at softball right now so hopefully he goes the night without getting injured again. I wish I had more time to write, but after I tuck the kids in, I might go and play the guitar or read... I've been reading a book from my sister-in-law. It's about the life of Saul/Paul by Beth Moore. (I can't remember the exact title). Anyway, it's a good read and is making me really think about what it was like to live in Jesus' time.
Over and out...
-Michelle
wanted to let you know how special I think you are!!! I'm so thankful that God has brought us together and a wonderful friendship is developing. I look forward to all the good times we will spend over the next years! hope I don't ever make you feel like you are the only one making plans. Love ya girl!
ReplyDeleteDebbie, I'm glad that we became friends too! You're one of the few people that actually calls me instead of my initiating. So I appreciate it!
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing your heart. I think you and I are alot alike. I can totally relate to this!
ReplyDeleteFor the record I think you are an amazing person. I just wished we lived a little closer so we could hang out more often. I think next time I am in town we should go get coffee and talk. I can always use a friend to chat with! :)
Michelle - I'm Jonathan's Mom, Kathy (J. - friend from Ripon). Jonathan had told me about this blog and I have followed it since. Just want to let you know that I admire your ability to share your feelings so openly and I totally related to what you expressed in this post. Please know that you touch others (who you might not even know) through your writing and we share with you in your joys, frustrations, and sorrows of life. We (I) also hold you in prayer throughout these seasons. Hugs and blessings, Kathy S.
ReplyDeleteThank you Kathy and Liz for the kind comments. Kathy, it's a nice surprise to know that other people are reading my blog and are there to encourage me. Hopefully I can be just encouraging to you [all]. Tell Jon that he should come visit the Nikolai's soon!
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