If Only

For those of you that have "If Only" days......

If only I was smarter.
If only I was prettier.
If only I had that hair.

If only I had a bigger vehicle.
If only I had that contraption for the kitchen.
If only I had that laptop.
If only I had that bedroom set.
If only my house was a bit bigger.
If only I had that talent.
If only I had more money.


If only I didn't feel so tired.
If only I cleaned more often.
If only I called that friend.
If only I didn't waste so much time.


If only I knew God's word better.
If only I was more generous.
If only I was more forgiving.
If only I was a better parent.

If only .....


-- The list could go on. I just thought it was good to get all of these "if only's" out of my system. It was funny that I wrote the list yesterday afternoon and then last night, we talked about contentment in our mom's group. How can we teach contentment to our children if we're not content ourselves? God has blessed our family with so much yet the world around us demands that we mold ourselves into our neighbor and want what they have.

I often think I'm content at least when it comes to most material items -- I'm really good at window shopping, but have a hard time parting with money if it's something that I absolutely do not need and can live without. Today, for instance, I was in a thrift store and saw some plain pink sheets that would work for Sonya's bed. They were only $3. I could've bought them, but then I thought to myself that we have plenty of twin sized sheets at home. Most of them are green or have trucks on them, but they fit and no one really sees them anyway. Besides, Sonya might graduate to a queen sized bed at some point so that we can use her room as a guest room sometimes too. Then we'd have no use for the pink sheets anymore.

On the opposite side of the spectrum, I have to admit that I desire what others have sometimes (as you can read from my list above). Even though I don't go out on a spending spree, the discontent is still in my heart. I told the girls last night that I've been wanting a van, but both of our cars are in working order and we only have two kids at home so we don't really need a van right now. It was especially hard for me to turn down the offer of a van from Tim's parents this past weekend -- they are selling theirs for a family discounted price. But, the timing wasn't right for us so said "no."

Anyway, all I know is that sometimes we feel like we're lacking in something. The truth is that God accepts us exactly the way we are. He knows us better than we know ourselves and He blesses us in ways that are both visible and invisible. So when I'm going through my "if only" phase, I remind myself of these truths. For the areas that aren't as tangible, I my work cut out for me, but that doesn't mean I'm a terrible person, a terrible friend, or a terrible parent. I just have to rely more on God to work through me and He will satisfy me in all ways of contentment.