Time flies by...

I haven't have much time to blog lately .... sorry to my readers. I know you're looking forward to the next parts of my "story."

Work was really tough on Monday. I wanted to cry all day, but I made it through the week. By Friday, I wasn't even thinking about the kids much and felt like I was getting things accomplished. It probably helps knowing that the end is in sight.

We had a blast yesterday despite Caleb's moodiness lately. I don't know what to do with the boy. Hopefully it's just him adjusting to going back to daycare and not being at home with mommy all the time. We went to lots of parks and were outside a ton. Now, he's begging us... or rather.. "telling" us we're going to the park.

Anyway... yesterday, we went to Green Bay for a birthday party for one of my co-worker's sons. The food was great and I got to talk to another co-worker's wife whom I haven't seen in a while. Since Caleb was getting antsy and didn't have any older kids to really play with, we left a little early to go to Tim's aunt and uncle's house which was about 10 minutes away.

The kids all ran around the yard chasing each other and tackling Tim. We grilled out for supper. The weather was absolutely PERFECT! After dinner, I braided Hana and Erin's hair. Then Amy and Fritz watched the kids while Tim and I went for a walk. It was nice to have some time without the kids... we actually could talk to each other! Tim still has a dream of buying two yurts and having some sort of a tunnel connecting them. (This is instead of buying a house).

While walking, we passed the Suamico Elementary school, where the girls go, and they had hurdles out by the soccer field. Let's just say... Tim was a kid again. He was trying to show off and did the hurdles while I watched. I attempted to do them, but my flip flops weren't the best shoes to do that. Towards the end of the walk, I was pretending that my feet hurt and made Tim give me a piggy-back ride.. for a few feet. lol... Then we raced that last block back to his aunt and uncles house. (He won.... but I blame it on the flip flops).

On our way home, Caleb clunked out so we stopped at McD's for a Reeses' McFlurry for me while I nursed Sonya one more time. I think we just crashed into bed as soon as we got home, which was 10:00pm. It was a long day... but fun! 

Sacred Marriage - Chapter 2: Finding God in Marriage

CHAPTER TWO: Finding God in Marriage - Marital Analogies teach us Truths about God

  

"How do you view God -- as master, or as husband?" Do I see God as the bridegroom that is repeatedly referenced in the Bible or just a supreme being who manipulates how the world should be? Is my relationship with Him as close if not closer than the marriage I have with my husband? As I was rereading through this chapter, I thought about when I first became a Christian. I was united with God in a way that is very similar to being united as one with my husband. Marriage isn't about a spouse taking God's place though. Instead, it's like a 3-way marriage. Each third is equally important for the success of the marriage.

"..God did not create marriage just to give us a pleasant means of repopulating the world and providing a steady societal institution for the benefit of humanity. He planted marriage among humans as yet another signpost pointing to his own eternal spiritual existence." Of course I realized that marriage is not just about procreation, but I never really thought about marriage as a way to show me who God is. Sometimes my relationship with God is stagnant and I find it hard to find time to spend time with Him. What I'm learning is how I can use my marriage as a way to understand how to have a relationship with God and vice versa. It's amazing how many similarities there are. "As long as a couple is married, they continue to display -- however imperfectly -- the ongoing commitment between Christ and the church." What a beautiful image!!

So what exactly is the purpose of marriage? Ultimately, it is an instrument used to please God. Shouldn't we be living for Him in all that we do anyway? So why not in marriage too? Love and forgiveness are two main ideas that are continually expressed during any friendship or relationship with someone. I think in some ways, they can also be the most difficult to carry out at times.
 

"Strong Christian marriages will still be struck by lightning -- sexual temptation, communication problems, frustrations, unrealized expectations -- but if the marriages are heavily watered with an unwavering commitment to please God above everything else, the conditions won't be ripe for a devastating fire to follow the lightning strike."

Sacred Marriage - Chapter One: The Greatest Challenge in the World

Tim wanted to have us both read "Sacred Marriage" by Gary Thomas. (It's actually one of the books that Pastor Sid recommended and spoke about in one of the first sermons that I heard him give.) We're going to try and do a chapter a day or every few days and then discuss it at night after Caleb goes to bed. I've only read the first chapter, but am hoping to write a little bit every day about the thoughts that are going through my head as I'm reading and learning.

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CHAPTER ONE: The Greatest Challenge in the World - A call to Holiness more than Happiness

"This is a book that looks at how we can use the challenges, joys, struggles, and celebrations of marriage to draw closer to God and to grow in Christian character." I agree that we should use all of our experiences in marriage to glorify God rather than to strive for our own personal happiness. Too often, we are selfish and only remember that God is there when times are tough or we need something. We expect that we should be happy all the time if we put our trust in God. The truth is that God is there in everything that we do; we should praise Him for the good and the bad. We should thank Him for all the blessings He has bestowed upon us. We should confess our sins and give our burdens to Him. We should love Him above all.

When I first started dating Tim, I was so infatuated with him during our puppy love sort of stage. I somehow knew that he was going to be "the one." I also thought that our relationship would always possess that beautiful, romantic love that would last forever. Since I've been married, I've realized that when people talk about the ups and downs of marriage, they were right. We're going to have days of utter happiness and days of complete misery and frustration. That puppy love that we had once isn't enough to keep a marriage going. We need the kind of love that we can only find by drawing closer to God. I laughed when I read this line from the book: "If the purpose of marriage was simply to enjoy an infatuation and make me "happy," then I'd have to get a "new" marriage every two or three years." Then I thought about it for a bit and realized how true that statement is. No wonder so many people get divorced!

Last year I started reading/doing the "Love Dare." It wasn't because I thought my marriage was in shambles and that we were leaning towards divorce. It was because I figured we had a good thing going for us and I knew it could only get better. One of the days, it asked the question, "Why do you love your spouse?" Like most people, I would respond with all the reasons that I love Tim. He's smart, funny, cute... he helps around the house... etc. However, if we have to have specific reasons to love our spouse, what will happen if they became an invalid? Would we love them less? Would we leave them? No, the answer lies much deeper than that. We should love our spouses just because, no reasons attached. God loves us infinitely more than we could ever fathom, yet that is the type of love that should sustain a marriage. By learning more about God and His love, we will be able to in turn use our marriage to make us holy and find ultimate happiness through God who lives in us.

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I had originally planned to basically summarize each chapter, but then started going on little rabbit trails in my head so figured I better just write it all out. Hopefully it made sense to someone other than just myself. :-)

A Prayer for Patience ...

On the outside, I seem like I have it all together... well, most of the time. To be honest, I don't feel very patient even though my husband came home the other night and commended me on my patience. It's something that I'm continually praying for. I need patience to deal with all sorts of situations that come up. Right now, my biggest struggle is being patient with Caleb. I love that little boy to death, but he definitely tests my patience on a daily basis. He has his occasional tantrums and smart alack remarks. Sometimes, I just have to examine what exactly is coming out of my own mouth because Caleb is probably mirroring my words and actions. Am I setting a good example for him? Could I be setting a better one for him?

My prayer today and every day is for the patience that will endure and help me to be a better mom and wife. I pray for Tim who is also in need of patience. We both have a tendency to react first rather than taking a moment to reflect, think about it, and then react. This is especially true with Caleb. He'll say or do something that is not appropriate or he just won't listen. Instead of counting to 10 so that we can speak calmly with him, we shout, "No!" or "Don't do that!" or "Aren't you listening?" or "Fine, I don't care anymore." or "Go to your room!" I know there are times when I will need to raise my voice or be stern, but I don't really want to be the mom that is constantly yelling while raising my kids. Don't worry... we don't yell that often. It just feels like we've been doing it more than I'd like since Sonya has been born.

Lord, I thank you so much for the beautiful children that you have blessed us with. I ask that you guide Tim and I to be more patient with each other and with our children. We aren't perfect parents and will probably make lots more mistakes than we've already made. Thank you for your grace and continual patience with us as we learn from our wrongs. Amen.

Random post... early morning

I felt like writing this morning, but I have no idea what about yet. Sometimes I like to just start typing and then all of a sudden, I have a whole page written. When I was looking through my blog from college a few weeks ago, I had lots of posts that didn't really seem to have a main topic. They seemed to be the most fun to read and I admit, I was laughing out loud at some of the memories. I couldn't believe how much I had "forgotten" and how inspirational some of my posts were.

I still haven't thought of anything interesting to write about ..... Tim is going to be in Chicago all day today for work. I plan on going to mom's group with Caleb and Sonya. Then we'll head over to my parent's house to spend some time with them. I'm so glad that they're willing to let Caleb spend the night by them. I feel like everyone in the house is always competing for my attention, but I'm so exhausted and overwhelmed that I just like to veg out in front of the computer or TV after Tim gets home. I'm hoping that Tim and I will have some quality time tonight and that he stays up a little bit later than he has been. By the time both kids are finally in bed, Tim is usually asleep already so we don't get much quality time together without interruptions. I don't know what we'll do once I go back to work and Sonya gets a bit older. I guess we'll just have to take advantage of friends and relatives that are willing to watch the kids and give us a break. :-)

For some reason, my creative juices just aren't flowing yet this morning. My fingers are anxious though and want to keeping typing. I suppose I better get the kids ready for mom's group. We've been up since 5am this morning. Well... Caleb has... I tried to doze off while he watched "Pete's Dragon." I don't think I slept much even though I wanted to. I just don't feel tired for some reason. Sonya fell back to sleep though like a good little girl. Oh well...maybe I can sleep in tomorrow while Caleb is at grandma and grandpa's house.

Over and out for now.

Frustration with Wal-mart

Dur! ... Today I was feeling a bit under the weather, but wanted to get out of the house for a bit and I especially needed more kleenex. Between Tim, Caleb, and I, we've been going through kleenex like nobody's business. Anyway, I decided that I'd get some more packages of diapers while I was there. The past three times we've been there, they didn't have any Parent's Choice size 1 diapers. The third time, we finally talked to one of the employees: None on the shelf, none in stock, and none on order... She said she'd make sure to get some ordered because it didn't look like they had any. Are you serious? We even drove over to Target who also was out of their size one Target brand diapers.

In the meantime, I got a few packages at the Super Wal-mart in Plymouth while on my way to visit my parents and Tim has stopped at a Milwaukee area Wal-mart and also stocked up. Those options wouldn't be so bad if they weren't out of the way.

So... this afternoon (at least two weeks later), I went in and there were still no size 1 diapers. What the heck? Do I just have bad luck or are they not ordering any more? Sure, I could've went with Huggies or Luv's, but those are a bit more expensive and I'm happy with the Parent's Choice brand. I decided to check with an employee again in case they just needed to restock the shelf. Of course the shelf was empty, but her system said there were some in stock. She was kind enough to go in back and check, but apparently they just had a truck come and everything was still wrapped up and stacked so it was hard to tell where they were, let alone to get a few packages for me. I don't know what her name was, but I could tell she genuinely felt bad. She made it sound like they should be there later today when they do their stocking. Tim stopped by there on his way home from grocery shopping. Still none! Tim doesn't get worked up too often, but today with the combination of feeling sick and feeling impatient, he wrote a semi-formal complaint and the manager is supposed to call us back.

I'm seriously considering boycotting!!! Well... maybe I'll feel differently tomorrow.
Goodnight all!

Only 47 days before I go back to work....

The thought of going back to work and leaving my baby with someone else is hard to think about. I'm trying to take it one day at a time and enjoy every precious moment that I do have with Sonya and Caleb. It's such an amazing gift to be able to stay at home for 12 weeks while some new moms can only afford to stay home for 6 weeks.

For now I'm planning to go back to work and try to breastfeed as long as I can. The second part of that won't be easy either. There's not really a nursing room or a whole lot of time for me to pump at work. My boss said I could work longer hours if I needed to extend my breaks or 30 min lunch to accommodate. I'm not a big fan of that idea because I would be gone even LONGER from home and my family each day. I just did a little research and there's no law requiring an employer to give longer breaks or lunches while still allowing the employee to work their scheduled hours. Darn.. I wonder if they'd let me combine my lunch and break times so I have 2-25 minute blocks of time. Also, I wish the private bathroom was on our floor... it takes at least 5 minutes of my break time just to travel to and from the lower level of the building. There's a little closet-like room that I could use, but I'd still need a sink and would end up going to a bathroom anyway.

Right now, the plan is for me to at least work through August or possibly until the end of the year, since my insurance premiums are considerably lower and we already met our deductible with Sonya's birth. I'm hoping we can figure out a way for me to stay at home until Caleb goes to 1st grade so that we'll only have to worry about paying daycare for one child instead of two at that point. Maybe I'd find a parttime job too....

*Sorry for the rant... just stressing out a bit about this a little.*